Anxiously Awaiting

Good morning,bloggers and readers!
Today was supposed to be my first day of my brand new job but,due to the company obtaining my medical information,it was decided that today is not good for them,so tomorrow is the golden day.It’s pretty dumb,considering that 24 hours won’t make much of a difference.I get a free day so,woohoo!
Anyways,the topic of this post is about anxiety and how it drove me crazy the past 24 hours leading up to today.

For those of you who’s been following my blog since its creation and those recently joining me,you may or may not know that I suffer from depression and anxiety.It’s present every waking moment of my life;some days lighter and some days heavier.It has crippled me before and I never shy away from expressing how I feel because of these illnesses.With that stated,yesterday was a nervous hellscape created by my anxiety.
The impending start of my new job brought back the dreaded anxiety of starting something new,somewhere new,and with new people.I literally spent all of yesterday questioning my ability to perform the tasks assigned to me without fail and the fear of having to communicate with new people(my coworkers).I got a migraine,I broke out into a cold sweat,my stomach started cramping,and my body became so restless along with my mind.I kept eating weird combinations of food such as sushi and cookies lol….I wish I was making that up.
My anxious mind kept reminding me of all the things that could go wrong,all the wrong words I would say,and how I am not good enough for the job.I remember spending 2 hours trying to legit think of an excuse to not go into work…It’s pathetic,but anxiety is a very discouraging mountain to climb.

Here I am today,work was cancelled,I still haven’t slept,and still facing minor doses of anxiety.I feel slightly confident today going into tomorrow,but I know how quick the lights of dim confidence can shut off.So I won’t brag.
I read an article that stated that writing sometimes help combat anxiety.That I can vouch for because a lot of my posts come from times when I am feeling most anxious about something taking place in my life.I am grateful for this blog in that aspect,but I feel so bad for the poor souls that have to follow me on twitter during these anxious-filled episodes lol.
For now,I am going to read about gaming news and tips on how to become a travel blogger.After all,I am leaving Japan in 2 months for a new adventure!

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Let’s Take a Trip

Good morning everyone!
I apologize for the lack of updates lately,but I am here now and I have stuff I would like to share.So please don’t expect long posts that drag on like before.I don’t want to be annoying anymore.

Since I can’t sleep,why not blog ne?So here I am and I want to share that August 30th I’m leaving Japan once more but I’ll return October 1st!Just in time for spooky month woo!I have decided since I have a month off,I should take my daughter,Kogi
back home.It’s only fair ne.Anywho,i have my tickets booked and my hotel ready.First stop is in Puerto Vallarta since the tickets from Tokyo to there is choooooo cheap,compared to flying to Guadalajara!So let’s work on our tans before going back to Guadalajara yo!

That’s all I have to share for now.I am kinda sick right now,so I apologize if I don’t post daily.
Thank you for reading.

Slow News

Ohayooooo!So I am going to Cholula,Puebla this summer for a MASSIVE swimming pool party…. Like,its cool and all but I CAN’T FLIPPIN SWIM!!I am not exaggerating.I hate anything related to swimming because I always dream of drowning…. Maybe this party will be the end of me hahahaha!I am terrified to go and plus my summer body isn’t nearly ready!I have about 4 months to whip this jelly body into shape ne?We shall see!
Anyways,So yeah,I’ll be in Puebla in no time and I couldn’t be more excited!Mexico is my second home yo!I want to go clubbing because I didn’t get a chance to last time and I will be with my crazy friend,so expect some wild stories later this year!….If I survive hahahaha!

Its a slow news day,so I don’t have anything interesting really to talk about.
I am currently extremely sick from that spider bite(thanks ex) and I am in a feud with Amazon Japan right now.Not necessarily a feud,but a slow response from them is pissing me off yo!Anyways,I might either become the next Japanese spider-man or I might die from my bite.Who knows?!What I do know is that I appreciate you all for reading my nonsense.
Have a great March!

Mystic Nap

So I literally just awakened from my longest sleep in about 4 weeks (1 hour nap) and I feel reborn!Hahaha… I am not joking!I had a black coffee earlier this morning,so I was fully expecting to be wide awake for another 24 hours.I was mistaken.Anyways,I am awake now and I was just thinking to myself and confused as to why I waste so much time thinking about things that literally don’t matter.I am baffling at times.

I have an expiration date that was reaffirmed a few days ago(I’ll talk about it later) and I seriously can’t believe how much time and effort I’ve put into situations that don’t even deserve my shadow casted upon them.With so little time and plenty left to accomplish,I started looking towards what is next for me.What do I have planned for my life,what do I want out of it,and how will I achieve it?Those are the things on my mind now.Yes,they are heavy tasks,but I am no stranger to fighting an uphill battle alone.Been doing it all my life.
I have learned that things don’t always work out in my favour and I can’t also expect a happily ever after.No.I live for the chaotic instances hahahaha.

With that said,I plan to travel more this year starting at the beginning of summer.I have already been invited to a “Massive” pool party in Puebla,I want to explore alot of things outside of Japan,and I plan to go back to Guadalajara for the zoo!Yes,I need to go AGAIN because the video I made during my skyview got corrupted and it was going to be so cool!Hawaii,I’ll also be heading your way!Maybe permanently!Who knows.I just know that I am tired of feeling down and undecided.I’ll take charge and do as I want.
Funny story; a person whom I used to date used to say “do whatever you want” and I would be so afraid to do anything out of fear of drawing her ire.Hahahahhaha!Dude,that was almost 6 years ago and I held on to that fear since!I’m so submissive that I’m absolutely stupid!Ugh!NOW,I will do exactly whatever the hell I please.I’m done playing nice(I was never nice lol.)!It’s time to enjoy or rather I say,try to enjoy the little sunshine that I have left ne.Until the end,I’ll burn out bright!

Days Gone

Another day,another early morning post.I ask myself why I continue to neglect sleeping at a reasonable time,but I couldn’t sleep if I tried.I feel too sick and upset to sleep,so I just compose blogs to pass the time.I don’t even have people that text me,call,or even actually talk to me lol.I believe both offline and online combined,I probably have one consistent person that actually checks in on me.You have my thanks and I am sorry to be wasting your time.Forgive me.

I took a gander at the calendar today and realized that within a month and a few days,it would already be the one year anniversary of me traveling to Mexico for the first time!It’s unbelievable!I remember that first trip so vividly that it doesn’t even seem like it’s been a year,let alone 5 months.Wow!The funny thing is,my second time back in Mexico,I went to the zoo and on the ride back,someone said to me “It doesn’t even feel like it’s been 5 months since you left”.It truly felt only like yesterday that I was having daily fevers while out in public WITHOUT MY PRECIOUS MASK and anxiously wanting to get back to binge-watch Breaking Bad!What a year 2018 was for me!

Well,I am extremely sick,can’t sleep,and here once more gushing over Mexico.What can I say?It was magical and it literally changed my life.Maybe I will finally start talking more about my experiences in celebration of the one year anniversary.Maybe I’ll go back on March 22(I WISH).Whatever I decide to do,trust in me when I say that it will all be documented here.
Thank you for reading.

McLove At First Sight

Soooooo this post is going to be officially a part/the start of my millions of entries documenting my year in Mexico.This one is probably the most silly out of the rest,but it’s a very significant one nonetheless!So lets hop right into it!

Judging from the title of this post,you can probably figure out the setting of this story.If not,then it’s McDonald’s.Accompanying this McDonald’s location is a sketch I did recently ( you can check all of my sketches on

Instagram click it!lol) and it’s about me thinking about this girl,whom I can’t get out of my head!EVEN TIL THIS VERY DAY,I still think of her!

It all started on a bright,warm morning in Guadalajara.Three days prior,I landed in Mexico,so this was my official day out by myself.August 20th was the date and I was just indoors watching Adventure Time on Netflix,suddenly the dragon in my stomach began roaring(hunger)!So I got the bright idea to have breakfast at McDonald’s!I know I know,why eat a fast food breakfast,when you can get a delicious Mexican breakfast?Well,my mind isn’t that sophisticated and McDonald’s sausages are A-mazing,so McDonald’s it was!
Anyways,I got reacquainted with some vaguely familiar sights from my first visit in March and the walk of nostalgia was most refreshing.So I am walking and walking and TADA,there was McDonald’s!Lets get some food!

I am finally I’m inside a McDonald’s in Mexico!I haven’t been to one since my visit to Puerto Vallarta and that one wasn’t a good one lol.Anyways,I stood in line with high anxiety,and I ordered my food.So I am waiting for my food when my eyes set upon this beautiful person!Long brunette hair,rayban glasses,short,and such beautiful eyes!The roaring hunger dragon in my stomach was instantly replaced by a million blushing butterflies.I nervously and distractedly grabbed my food and sat down in the back,because I am cho antisocial like that.
I am organizing my tray of food to prepare to eat,but I couldn’t help but continuously sneak glances at that beautiful woman.I nervously began eating my breakfast and I couldn’t help but think about her and what are the odds that such an awesome person would ever talk to a swamp monster as myself.I thought about what my first words would be if I had the courage to talk to her,I thought about how I would try to look cool if she came to speak to me,or how and why am I so flustered by a stranger in a McDonald’s.It was insane!As I finished my potato,the last of my breakfast,I look forward just to survey where the trash bin was,and without warning or notice,the beautiful woman and I accidentally locked eyes!I totally got extremely flustered and then she smiled at me while our eyes were still entwined!I finally ascended to heaven.

Since that day,I couldn’t stop thinking about her and how wonderful she was,although we had no formal interact.It’s been 6 months and I am still thinking of her!!Am I crazy or am I crazy!??

In Due Time

My head and heart are full of memories of my time in Mexico and I would love to share my experience in that wonderful country,however… I am hesitant.Unknown to myself,I can’t comprehend why I can’t bring myself to type out the memories in my head.Am I afraid of losing the magic of the feeling if I share it so openly?Am I scared of how opinions may be formed against me?Am I terrified of feeling lonely after going through my memories?Whatever the reason may be,it’s truly preventing me from writing in full detail about my life changing journey to Mexico.I assure you that soon I will find the courage to overcome my fears and share my beautiful experience with you all soon.So please bear with me and stay tuned!

Slow Burn

As I enter my last 10 days in México,I often reflect on the 2 months that I have spent here.I know,it’s alright been 2 months and I feel as nervous and unpredictable as I did when I touched down in Guadalajara!Where has the time gone?
The title of this post is “Slow Burn”,because everything started burning slowly since I have arrives in August.Everything is finally lying itself out in front of me or at least that is what I tell myself to bear no attachments to this place.It’s easier this way.

Initially,I wasn’t having a good time here nor did I understand what I was doing back here.I had my life set in Japan; decent job(hated it),apartment,and I was seeing someone(?).I don’t know what drew me back to Mexico,but I guess it was the tequila sunrise,that I haven’t had one sip of since returning lol!Anyways,I started out here all alone and not close to anyone or anything.It was a very lonely decision but it was loneliest when I was in the airport waiting to be picked up.I don’t know how,but it was kind of comforting,considering it is what I was expecting.
As time went on,I felt myself change and my loneliness began to find comfort,but only temporary… it still counts ne?I had HUGE plans on how I would stay and find anyway possible to stay with my temporary comfort,but I knew that it wouldn’t be so simple.It didn’t stop me from trying and failing at every turn lol.Oh man,did I fail so historically hahaha…
Don’t get me wrong,I had/having a blast in Mexico.I’ll never forget this amazing country and it’s beautiful culture.I just wish I did things differently,because it would have saved me from this yearning and longing for something that was only temporary.I fall asleep at night wishing I had that comfort again,I lie awake longing for the embrace of that comfort,and I spend every lonesome second missing that comfort.

You may be asking yourselves, “why temporary?”.Well,in my first 2 weeks here,I planted the seeds of unintentional sabotage.A secret that ripped the doors of trust off my safe haven,my emotional instability draining the energy from light in my comfort room,and just not being enough to satisfy the conditions to uphold the weight of it all.I failed and damned myself to be alone this time.I don’t cry,I don’t complain,nor do I ask questions.I know this slow burn of sabotage and destruction was my own doing.I am paying for it and in 10 days,I will leave here permanently with deep regret.
I have failed.

These are my thoughts.

Wandering Heart

Hello there!
I know that the last time I posted was about 3 weeks ago and I was in Puerto Vallarta with no wifi.It was rough!I am safe and sound back in Guadalajara and I just want to talk openly for a little while.
Please forgive the rambling.

The human heart is weird,like REALLY weird!I have always believed that there existed 2 hearts,one as your organ and the other for unexplained emotions.This post is going to highlight how my second heart has made my second stint in Mexico a nightmare.
I don’t think I have mentioned or if I ever wanted to,but my return visit to Mexico wasn’t necessarily the most emotionally rational idea that I have in some time.I mean,I am ridiculous in every sense of the word,but coming back here without a proper reason nor proper place was just idiotic.I’ll tell you,no one feels more like the world’s biggest idiot than me right now.The moment I stepped off my Interjet plane and made contact with Guadalajara’s soil,my heart began it’s wandering.”What to do?Where to go?Whom to trust?Why can’t I forget?” Those were the questions pumping my foolish endeavour in this country once more.No,I wasn’t simply a tourist,because I felt like a man on a mission to uphold a promise made in April.A promise that was less sweet than it previously was when the words came about.Things went dark for me emotionally in the time in between trips and that was my fault.I wasn’t as hopeful nor happy as I was when I initially made the plan to return.

Fast forward to 2 months later and my heart has wandered so far that I am probably the most unhappy I’ve been in a long while.My heart led me away from the task of a 1 week visit,it led me down a dark emotional tunnel,it left me confused,it’s made me say things I would’ve never said at any point in my life,it’s made me feel like my breakdowns are making me emotionally abusive,It’s made me conceal myself in a lonely room all day long,it’s left me in a country unknown to me with no money,and I am left all alone because of my silly wandering heart.
I don’t feel safe,I don’t feel happy,I don’t feel loved,I don’t belong,and I am scared.I am lost and confused and it’s truly all my fault for thinking that I could be much more just because my heart led me to believe that there was something for me to fight for.I am ashamed.This is the end.

Thank you for reading.

Shaky Grounds

It’s been a solid month since I packed my bags(forgot a ton of stuff),rushed to the airport,nearly missed 2/4 of my flights,and got delayed in Mexico City due to a terrible rain storm.So after all that rough business,I have been here in Guadalajara for month and it has been fun,but cho stressful.
My first day back in Guadalajara was probably the most difficult and heartbreaking days of my trip,but at least on the second day,I went to the zoo and did the skyview attraction!It was everything I had been looking forward to since I departed in April.I have been stuffing my face with delicious food and beverages since I got here.I had an amazing burger appropriately named the “Dorito Burger”!Do you need any more of a description?hahaha!The one thing I do fault myself for is not being wise with my spending.I went through the majority of my money in a matter of weeks yo!I am cho disappointed in myself.What’s done is done ne.

This trip has been an emotionally difficult decision for me also,because I went into this thing not in the best mental state.That type of thing along with many other factors has made me kinda dreadful during my second visit to Mexico.I find myself depressed nearly everyday and I am trying so hard to be positive and then it all accumulates into a panic attack.It’s not fun!Speaking of “depressing”; I started the animated Netflix series “Bojack Horseman” and that show is a dark roller coaster!Definitely not recommended to watch that show while you are already feeling down lol.
Not all has been bad though.I am enjoying myself more and more each day.

Tomorrow,I am going to Puerto Vallarta and I will be soaking up the sun in that beautiful setting once more.Hopefully,I can find a reason to be useful there.Oh,before I forget,I will be without wifi for awhile,so this will be my last post for a short while.I am sorry!!
Thank you for reading