What is grief?
Why does it crush you like glass?
Why does it shatter the trust in reality?
These are the questions I wrestle with everyday since last month.As I mentioned in previous post,I lost someone very important to me and it’s not just something I can get over in a matter of weeks,because I grew up and was able to have a life because of that person.Losing someone of such of a very important caliber not only breaks your heart,but it breaks your spirit.My spirit is broken,although I look ahead to a future with someone,I can not stop looking back,because that person in my past molded who I am today.It’s really difficult to continue to pretend that I am well and things are getting better,when in fact they aren’t.I joke with myself that I aged 7 years since that day and its true.I look and feel terrible.Its time to take action.
I signed up to join a support group.I guess I really need to talk about how I feel and why I am so scared to continue living after all of this.I can give a bit of insight into one of my biggest fears and its standing right in front of me with a big grin on it’s face.I am terrified of a reality in which I die completely alone and so far,that reality is looking more realistic.I lost my parents,my inspiration,my friends,and I live in a place where I don’t feel like belong anymore.I truly feel a deep loneliness that I have never felt in my life.I am just hoping that by joining this group,I can open up about my feelings and empty everything before I start anew.I want to start over and look towards the world with endless outlook.Until then,I’ll keep fighting for my new future.