It has been quite some time since I last posted here.I believe that I promised to do like a series of posts chronicling my journey in Mexico.Well that never saw the light of day and that is due to a lot of unforeseen events,as well as me just enjoying life in Mexico.I will talk about that journey soon,because it was an unplanned soul searching experience.That is for another time,but today will be about how I am fairing currently after putting that trip behind me.
“Normal”,what does it mean?What course of action/state of being does it represent?How can one define if their reality is an example of normality?That is my issue currently.I don’t understand what normal is nor was.My reality has been vastly altered after leaving Mexico.I know,I know…”how can a 4 month accidental trip sway your life so violently?” is what any normal person would ask a deranged person as myself.Well,as humans,we constantly evolve even when the evolution stances aren’t readily present for us to grasp,we change,adapt,and evolve with the nature around us.With this in mind,I feel as if I don’t understand the concept of my normality.The things I once considered to be typical everyday happenings,feelings,and overall way of life feels all so foreign now.
I am no longer in Mexico,I am around family,I am hearing a language I grew up with(Japanese),and I feel as if this should be normal,right?Wrong,because I feel everything but normal.I don’t understand why I can’t comprehend the fact that I am back to speaking Japanese regularly,I can’t understand why I am seeing a life-long familiar face,and I feel homesick,but yearning for a place that isn’t my home.Yesterday,I had a dream that I woke up in my bed in Mexico and someone told me that I was in fact having a fever dream and that I slept for 9 hours.Just for context,while in Mexico I had a fever a bunch and I only slept 4 hours at a time.So having fever dreams and sleeping past those 4 hours was quite the norm and it would make total sense if everything that I am experiencing is just simulated results of a high degree fever.
Simulated Normality is my conclusion.I am struggling with believing that anything at this moment is real.Everything feels so false and simulated.It’s literally keeping me awake at night thinking of the hundreds of possibilities in which I am going to trigger an event that will undo this entire simulation and I will wake up in Mexico…or so I wish.Hahahaha I must seem insane and I am just that.I just….I am just in a very weird mental state and I don’t trust anything,so forgive me for not believing in “normal”.
Should I awaken from this fever dream or continue onward in this disappointing reality,I will keep you updated.
Thank you for reading