Simulated Normality

It has been quite some time since I last posted here.I believe that I promised to do like a series of posts chronicling my journey in Mexico.Well that never saw the light of day and that is due to a lot of unforeseen events,as well as me just enjoying life in Mexico.I will talk about that journey soon,because it was an unplanned soul searching experience.That is for another time,but today will be about how I am fairing currently after putting that trip behind me.

“Normal”,what does it mean?What course of action/state of being does it represent?How can one define if their reality is an example of normality?That is my issue currently.I don’t understand what normal is nor was.My reality has been vastly altered after leaving Mexico.I know,I know…”how can a 4 month accidental trip sway your life so violently?” is what any normal person would ask a deranged person as myself.Well,as humans,we constantly evolve even when the evolution stances aren’t readily present for us to grasp,we change,adapt,and evolve with the nature around us.With this in mind,I feel as if I don’t understand the concept of my normality.The things I once considered to be typical everyday happenings,feelings,and overall way of life feels all so foreign now.
I am no longer in Mexico,I am around family,I am hearing a language I grew up with(Japanese),and I feel as if this should be normal,right?Wrong,because I feel everything but normal.I don’t understand why I can’t comprehend the fact that I am back to speaking Japanese regularly,I can’t understand why I am seeing a life-long familiar face,and I feel homesick,but yearning for a place that isn’t my home.Yesterday,I had a dream that I woke up in my bed in Mexico and someone told me that I was in fact having a fever dream and that I slept for 9 hours.Just for context,while in Mexico I had a fever a bunch and I only slept 4 hours at a time.So having fever dreams and sleeping past those 4 hours was quite the norm and it would make total sense if everything that I am experiencing is just simulated results of a high degree fever.

Simulated Normality is my conclusion.I am struggling with believing that anything at this moment is real.Everything feels so false and simulated.It’s literally keeping me awake at night thinking of the hundreds of possibilities in which I am going to trigger an event that will undo this entire simulation and I will wake up in Mexico…or so I wish.Hahahaha I must seem insane and I am just that.I just….I am just in a very weird mental state and I don’t trust anything,so forgive me for not believing in “normal”.
Should I awaken from this fever dream or continue onward in this disappointing reality,I will keep you updated.
Thank you for reading


Stranger Things

No this isn’t a post about the wildly popular Netfilx series,because I don’t have Netfilx anymore to review it,all thanks to that bullet to the heart American adaptation of “Death Note”
This post is about my last 2 months,which has for a lack-of-a-better-term been a bunch of strange events.I went from a super clingy(me) relationship with such a sweetheart,to running her away(UNBLOCK ME BAKA!!),and surprisingly,I wasn’t too distraught that I’d gone without sleep for so long that I’d walk into a car,get hit,and end up in a coma for a month lol.I guess it isn’t all too bad ne?
I’ve also went from working at Narita airport,as an internet technician,a store clerk,and translator to scoring the job of my absolute dreams yo!I literally busted my nonexistent hump at 4 places simultaneously to scoring the only one that I needed/wanted!Also,my break up with the sweetheart gave birth to 2(in my opinion) fantastic short stories that I want to start working on.One is a gross romantic story and the other is about finding strength and purpose during depression.More on that later though.

The strangest thing has to go to this woman i was “seeing” (not really) for the last 4 days.So my best friend/ex girlfriend,Asaki gave me the idea awhile ago to just go on dates without expectations and that will distract me from the one I was/still kinda focused on.I told my friends about it just to make small talk and to let them know that my will to live is still there….somewhere lol.So they took the idea,ran with it,and out came a woman I will refer to as A.H,convenient because she was a total asshole,but seriously those are her initials.Anyways,We started talking on LINE for hours a day,my mind is still stuck on the past sweetheart,can’t help it,so I am literally going into this thing only for friendship.No more than friends,no lets grab food on the weekends,and no sex.Back to the hours on LINE part; the majority of the time was spent with her literally talking about herself,her sob stories,and anything I had to add wasn’t relevant enough for her to even touch upon.She was one of those people that love to hear herself speak.So it all accumulated into a lunch date at a ramen shop,my treat.We sat down,ordered food,and as soon as the waitress left,A.H talked nonstop from the moment we ordered til the time food arrived.I think the only words I spoke in that timeframe was: “Yes we are ready to order” lol.
Here’s the kicker,as soon as we finished eating and I was about to add to the conversation,she got up,said: “Thanks for the meal”,left my table,proceeded to sit with another guy,and hug up with him!I was cho confused by the turn of events,that I just stared off into the distance for awhile and somehow manifested a Kyari Pamyu Pamyu song in my head.THAT’S how flabbergasted I was yo!lol.She totally reminded me of someone I dated long ago!
Stranger Things indeed ne

Thanks for reading