Letters From China

Starting today,I officially have 2 months off from work and you know what that means right???PAR-TAY!!!Wait…..NO!It means that it’s time to think about everything!Yeah…. free time and I have a very complex affair going on and it always starts,middles,and ends with me thinking about myself,the world,and what could’ve been.It’s boarding on insanity at this point,which is WHY I prefer to work forever than to be left with my thoughts.
Such is the case now,I exercised this morning,had my cup of tea,played some music,and then I saw an old drawing.One I haven’t seen in years and with that sight,I thought about something: My high school sweetheart!

I know it’s silly to talk or think about high school anything.Worst times of our lives ne?Acne,raging hormones,figuring out where we belong amongst our peers,and homework…. dreaded homework!I didn’t plan to think about this,but I recently read an article about coping with heartache(it’s not what you think.I love reading others’ opinions on a variety of topics).The writer encouraged any hurt person(s) to not look back on the bad times in a relationship,but relish the good times.That aligns with my general beliefs whenever someone lets me down or I lose faith in people.I try to think about their positive impacts on me,rather than the ill effects.Nonetheless,it made me gauge my overall love life and I will admit,the last 7 years have been a slaughter-fest lol!Don’t worry,I am not going around murdering my lovers,I am talking about me.I have poor taste in women and it’s evident,because for almost 7 years,I have been putting my heart on for display to these people and they tossed it wherever wasn’t in their sights lol.It’s fine,life goes on.But yeah…. it’s kinda sad.
Anyways,I was trying to think of a positive one and it goes all the way back into my high school years.Like I said… SAD!!

Ming-Na Li.I address you by name because since junior high,you have always watched over me and that continues to this very day.I don’t know how you found my blog,but I appreciate your commitment.

Ming-Na Li was my high school sweetheart and we dated for a year and 4 months.I am not going to bore you to death over specifics,but in one year at such a young age,I was exposed to pure love that I haven’t been able to find in my adult life.I have given up on being purely loved,but that is not the point here.Today,I recollected on my time with this person and how she was instrumental in my development even til this day.
We got paired together in a Chemistry class(Ha!Guess who got a degree in Biochemistry and why!?lol),because my sensei feared I was the dumbest student in his room,So Li was stuck with me.I was difficult to work with and to understand,because I was cho angsty and emo.Li was shy,quiet,and hyper intelligent.So the clashes of personality were already planted without us ever speaking.In the beginning,I would ignore her lectures and talks,so to shut her up,I would steal her glasses and wear them lol.I am very tall and she is like smurf,I would stand up and challenge her to take her eyewear if she could.Li,being a smart worker,punched me in the gut and that lowered my head enough for her to retrieve her glasses.JERK!
As time went on,I began to follow her lead,I studied hard,and my grades reflected that.My sensei was so impressed that he advanced Li from the class and he never called me Shinobaka-kun ever again.It’s not like any of it mattered,I was missing Li’s company,whom I grew very fond of,but didn’t have the courage to admit it.
Lunch time,I would go sit under a tree in the school grounds,just thinking about how much I really hate chemistry,and Li popped out of nowhere to join me!It was one of the rare times that I smiled as a teen…. seriously.For a year,we shared that tree for lunch time and we would talk about our goals for the future.Li wanted to be a teacher all over the world and help children in need; I wanted to be a pro wrestler,although I have zero muscle mass and I wanted to be a mangaka.During one of our final lunches together (unbeknownst to us),Li made me promise that we would study chemistry together in college,but I scoffed at that idea because I didn’t want to go to college,but I agreed just to see her smile.
I remember it so well,on a Tuesday night in February,Li called my family phone and informed me that she would be moving back to China with her family.Wednesday would be her departure date and my heart broke in countless pieces,I cried silently,but I told her I was coming to talk to her stupid dad in the hopes to change his mind.Dumbass me,I rode my bike all the way to her home,harshly knocked on their door,her father answered,I bowed deeply,and begged him to reconsider leaving Tokyo.Li saw me,but did speak a word and then her father just said “sorry” and close the door.
I didn’t sleep at all that night,I hatched a plan to get to the airport to see Li one final time.I took the earliest train to get me to Narita airport and I ran inside with my swollen tired eyes and messy hair.My eyes scanned everywhere for the sight of my short person of interest.I started to swell up with tears because I couldn’t find her,then suddenly I recognized her pale skin and black silky hair tied up in her usual fashion.I ran so fast to the check in lines,i crawled underneath the separating barrier and I hugged her tight.She was in disbelief that some weird guy suddenly grasped her,and then she started crying and hugged me back.Her parents finished checking in,so they had to hurry,but I made sure to expose my true heart to her.I promised her that I would become a top 30 student in my entrance exams(I did),I promised I would work harder to move to China (Didn’t happen),I would make sure we attend college together (nope),and I would get a degree in Chemistry like we promised(I did).Before She let go of our final hug,I told her that I loved her…. 14 year old me saying that and she replied the same.Finally,after letting her words sink in,I watched her disappear into the crowds and our connection was lost for 16 years.

At age 14,I probably met the only person that would have ever loved me in a way that came from the heart.Ming-Na Li,thank you for being patience with this baka and thank you for stalking my blog!!Also,Thank you for the millions of letters that I NEVER received because you forgot my address all those years lol!

Thanks for reading

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Maldición Del Corazón

When I was about 6 years of age,my best friend,Akira and I went bike riding and we were both dumb kids,so we rode through mud,insect infested grass,and literally for almost 4 hours.The skies darkened,raindrops started falling lightly,so we gather our remaining energy to begin our journey home.About 10 minutes into the ride with home nowhere in sight,the rain poured heavily upon us,mind you that we were not prepared for rain,thus we had not been dress appropriately for such weather.Akira challenged me with “the first person to reach my (Akira’s) house wins!”,and we started peddling faster,until her front tire hit a big rock and she fell to the ground,her bike not too far beside her,and she cried out from the pain in her ankle.I jumped off my bike,ran over to her,and tried to encourage her to stand so we can make it home to my mother since she is a doctor.Akira couldn’t stand at all,so I kneeled in front of her,looking forward,and I told her to get on my back.I picked her up,leaving the bikes behind,which caused her to feel guilty,so I promised her that I would come back to retrieve the bikes once I get her home.
We finally made it to her home,my legs sore and tired from carrying her,drained of my overall energy,and soaked from the rain; Akira’s mother answered my knock and immediately retrieved Akira and aided her bruised ankle.She told me to come inside to get warm,but I bowed deeply,refused,apologized,and I ran all the way back to retrieve our bikes as promised,returned her bike,and finally I made it home.Later that night I fell ill with a high fever that lasted nearly two weeks

The moral of the story is: No matter my relationship with someone,the changing situations,or feelings,I will never give up on anyone.

The reason I am writing this is because I am attempting to rekindle my friendship with someone whom I’ve dated long ago.Insane,ne?Yes,but where is the golden rule stating that you shouldn’t be friends with your ex?If you’ve started out as friends,then you can easily revert back to friends.She was literally my partner in crime in every sense of the phrase,but our breakup not only put distance between us,it created a huge void that we couldn’t recover from.
I have always said that I forgive everything before anyone ever decides to apologize because I want to keep those precious bonds.Failed feelings of the heart shouldn’t be an excuse to dismiss someone or the memories that were made in happiness.That is my belief and on the grounds of that belief,I have maintained friendships with some of my exes except one lol and I even made good friends with people who’ve bullied me during my school years!I never give up on people that are in my life,because they have impacted it in some capacity and I am grateful for their influence.I know alot of people have given up on me and that is oke.Everyone has their own reasons for keeping you around,but if you ever come into my life,believe that I won’t let you walk away easily.My gratitude and interest will always lead me to you again.
It’s my heart’s curse.

Thank you for reading.

待ってる

Have you ever found yourself staring at the phone every 5 seconds or just verbally encouraging it to receive a message from someone?Wait no!?Just me!?Yikes!!Hahaha…Well I’m nuts!What can I say!?

I am currently in a relationship with the most wonderful woman in the world,but I can sense she is tired of me.I get it,I’m cho(super) annoying!I admit that,but it’s her fault for spoiling me so!I guess my dilemma is that I need to back off but It’s difficult as heck!Gotta do what’s necessary to stay in her good graces ne?I’m hopeless…..

Thanks for reading!
Until next time,Ja ne!