Soy Sobrio!

I CAN’T SLEEP!!!
NO I am not drinking or anything.I feel highly energetic and motivated to do so many things at once,but i’m mentally burning myself out in the process lol.Isn’t that funny!?Not a bad problem to have,in my opinion.I’m having a ton of fun at 5 in the morning,or should I say: a las cinco de la mañana.I’M LEARNING SPANISH BTW!

The video I posted is by a person/group by the name of Tommy ’86 and the song is called: “Why Did I Say Goodbye”.It’s an absolute jam to listen to,especially when you are alone and just chilling or if you just want a reason to dance!Whatever it is,it’s a damn good song!

Anyways,i have seriously started studying Spanish and I am enjoying it the more I dive into the language.I guess it helps that I am half-way decent in English,because Spanish sentence structures aren’t that different than their English counterpart.So I am grateful that I am able to pick this up so rapidly,because I want to be able to communicate with many people worldwide without barriers!I feel selfish sometimes,because I actually think I sound sexier speaking Spanish,than my native Japanese lol!Don’t ask me how or why,I’m just a baka,KING BAKA,in fact!!

I’m going to study a bit more now,because why not?!I can’t help but feel excited when I’m learning yo!The sun is slowly rising and my eyes aren’t falling at all!Bummer.Music,Candy,and Spanish til I fall yo!

P.s I added some links to the side of my page that will direct you to my personal Facebook,Twitter,and Instagram.REACH OUT TO ME,PEOPLE!!No really,you don’t have to.I’m quite shy.^-^v

Thank you for reading

Frown

Took a bite out of life today
Bitterness overtook my tongue
polluted words filled my lungs
Ill-fate was hard to digest

Singing sad songs through the streets of Shibuya,marching my feet to the beat of loneliness,and waving my arms to the rhythm of the depressive aura.This is my life in a moment’s flickering of 24 hours.
Closing my eyes to the vision of getting high with the birds and soaring the heavens of promised bliss.The gravity of reality pulls me back down to the pool of lies and self-doubt.”Where did I go wrong?”I can ask 1 millions times a day but only 1 action seems like a quick fix,but the effects of it would out-weight the release from prison.

I see the smiling faces,the big grins,the loud joyous laughter,the real happiness.I sit with my music and choose to be happy all the while frowning.What went wrong?
Placing my head against a wall,staring down at my shoes,singing passionately the words the resonates with my soul’s struggles of grasping the fleeing peace.
A clinched fist pounds away at the pavement as if it’s the door to true love; “Save me now” is the silent cries you will never hear me weep.”Let me breathe” you will never hear me whisper as you kiss my breath away with false lips.”Just let me fall” is what my body shows everyday it’s to endure the suffering.

In my head lies dark thoughts that I can not convey with another.I smile for your sake but inside my world is upside down.
I’m sitting in my room listening to a song about a person not caring about their former lover’s fate,while drinking alcohol lol.I suddenly got an urge to write something so nonsensical to others but holds a true underlying value to my perception on life.

Anyways,Carry on and keep rocking to your own sound!

The Giant-巨人

it’s been a long hour since I last updated this blog.My apologies.Life happens and you just happen to tread along the path it constructs.But enough that.I just want to empty my mind today.

Have you ever had the feeling of a giant?Not in the sense of height nor being such a towering body to behold.I am referring to the feeling of feeling like you are in such a great mood,a high if you would,and there is absolutely nothing that could shake you down from that feeling?
Well,long ago I had that feeling and I must say,what a mighty long fall it has been since that time ago.
I mean,I used to feel invincible,confident,unrelenting,and just overall happy.I was a modern day giant amongst my angst-ridden peers.I was that guy who felt he could “high 5” the sun and expect no burns.I even had the most absurd catchphrase whenever someone asked if I had doubts about myself.I would tell that person, “I will pierce the stars!”
Absurd,right?

Fast forward to today,and the only feeling of such high that remains is the fall from such a high place.A fall that isn’t one aiming to quickly burn you out and crash you back to reality,no.It’s the type of fall that is reflective in nature and forgiving of your cockiness,but lets it be known that no light shines bright forever.
For the longest of time while living my daily life and taking the mood-induced fall,I ask myself,”Why do we even have a word as ‘forever’?”.It’s bullshit at best and false way to convince not your audience,but your fleeing ego that you can try without much certainty.

I realised that there is much I want but can never possibly obtain,yet I yank the chain of fate hoping that I can alter the course of time and have my way.Silly man!Things aren’t that simply anymore.You learn defeat is a way of improvement and learn to understand that “pain” is the most influential drug you can never become sober of.
Why do I know or think like this?It’s because I used to be a giant.

Oh what a mighty long fall……

Groundless

Ohayou fellow bloggers and readers!I am doing an early entry today.”Why?”you may or may not be asking yourself,BUT….I will tell you anyways.
Truth is,I can’t sleep.I mean,my sleeping pattern has always been a wild maze since my teenage years,but this is caused by extreme stress,and I will explain why.

First,My flippin laptop is BROKEN!!!!AAAAAAAH!!!I can’t believe that of all things I own(mind you that I have not much),I wouldn’t have thought that my laptop would be the one to break yo!!!I thought my phone would break or get lost(God forbids),My ipod would break(Kill me now),or my drawing hand would get broken(Game over!)
The damn laptop fell from my desk as I was in middle of my slumber yesterday.I don’t know how or why it fell from a flat surface!Maybe it was a ghost or the universe trying to give me a sign,but one thing is certain….my prized possession is now completely ruined.I feel like a ninja without stealth……USELESS!!!
Below is a photo of the LCD monitor’s damage Huhuhuhuhu….rest in peace my Toshiba

WP_20140825_004 (360x640)

Furthermore,whats the deal with bills?!!I flippin hate that word yo!!Bills Bills Bills make me so damn ill yo!!Arghhhh!!!
In all seriousness,i am facing a huge crisis,personally and I am not sure if I will be around to blog until I can get my situation solved.I am going to be without wifi for a few days and I gotta move soon,so,until I get settled and find my footing,i’ll be away from my blog for awhile.I do apologize in advance for my absence and I really apologize to my sweet panda.I am sorry,but I will be back soon yo!!

Until next time
Stay kind and be safe my readers
Ja mata

Strength in Setbacks

Endure (640x495)

It’s been awhile.
I know,i know.That is my fault for being idle from my dear blog for almost 2 MONTHS!!!Forgive me,everyone.
But I want to write a post about some of my thinking lately that stems from my life at current.So I hope you all enjoy my musing.

I have been logging on here for weeks now,dare I say,months.But,i never could find the one thing I wanted to talk about.Of course,i thought about the idea of blogging about my favourite games,or wrestling(yes I am a HUGE wrestling fan!),or Manga.It’s just a cluster of ideas in my mind,but I can only evaluate on one topic per entry.Don’t want to go all nuts like I did with my blog on MyOpera(Rest in Peace you sweet community)lol.
As you can see above,is another one of my not so good drawings,but its a meaning behind that picture.When I was drawing it,i had two concepts in mind.One: I wanted to do something simple,yet drawing from my emotion at the time.Second: I was thinking about my name’s meaning.As many of you don’t know,my family name “Shinobu” means “Endure” and that is why I drew a character writing that on the wall.
“Endure” is the theme of this blog and I shall begin my musing.

The last 2 months have been trying times for me.From maintaining my personal relationships,job seekings,and just trying to figure out where I am headed with my career.It became a tad bit overwhelming,and I will be perfectly honest,I am not the strongest link in the chain,and I honestly felt like my life was ending.I felt beat up,down and out.It was a very depressing time.So,I struggled much with just getting out of bed and just being alive.
I finally got sick,literally,i became ill with stress and worry and I was mentally and emotionally exhausted.I just shut my brain off and just keep moving.I shut off the bad thoughts of failure,regrets,and self doubt,and I just keep moving my feet forward.I became serious in searching for a job and I tried to see the positive in everything.
Many job rejections and lots of negative,i could have easily stopped,but I kept going.Then the month of May came and my endless searching and pain paid off.I finally got accepted for a job!Although,I do have already a job,but I needed a second one to have extra money to do more things that I feel is important.The pay isn’t much.but it’s enough to help out.So I am happy that I did not quit.

The point of that short story of me failing a million times,until I finally got it right is; Never give up.Even when the world seems unfair and fate is against you,never lie down and admit defeat.Endure!Endure the bad times,walk life with a determined heart and willful eyes.Endure the figurative rain and keep fighting until you find your golden sunlight.Life has so many opportunities,but its up to us to take advantage.
Do your best
Never settle for less
And never let anyone tell you that you can’t have dreams in reality
Without dreams,life would be meaningless.

Ganbatte yo!
Until next time
Odaiji ni!

Kusuri

I am still not sure how I should go about updating this blog.Maybe daily?Every other day?weekly?Bi-weekly?I have not the slightest clue.but,I do know one thing….I am beginning to enjoy blogging again!
So,here we goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Team京

Lately,I have been really stressed about many things and it seems as if the tides aren’t turning anytime soon.That fact lead me to an idea for an entry today.
As you can see in the picture above.It’s a drawing I did awhile ago and I want it to be the focus of this topic.
The reasoning for that is that,it may only seem like a simple bad drawing,but its much more than that.In fact,that drawing represent an emotion I was feeling when I conceived it.

Misunderstood.
that was the initial emotion I was feeling when my hands composed that drawing.Not only was I just sketching to kill time,i was sketching with emotion.It’s a habit I picked up during my depressed teen years.During those times,i felt I had no outlet to express myself or how I was feeling.Introverted was my lifestyle,shyness was my overall armour to society,and mute was my sound of choice.I didn’t know how to handle attention,how to fit in,or how to explain how I felt.I was always nervous,but wanted help,wanted to speak but my mouth wouldn’t produce the sounds necessary to communicate,and my body wouldn’t allow me to approach others.I was stuck!
I started watching anime at a very young age,i got into manga,and I was fascinated with how the author/artist conveyed his/her story not only through the words,but by the characters needed to form his/her universe.
I picked up a pencil and started sketching and what came out was weird little characters that always had a frown or shooting some form of spirit energy from their hands.
Rage!
I was angry at myself for not being able to do things like normal kids and people,to talk normal,act normal,and it all came out in the form of my weird little frowning characters.

Drawing was and still is my way to cope with life.When I feel a certain way that I can not explain.I pick up a notebook,random sheet of paper,or just any blank canvas and I just let my emotions flow unto my hands and release on the paper.
That drawing above is a representation of my feeling misunderstood and that only my art can truly understand how I feel and how I am.That character in the mask with blues eyes represents me and he wears his art on every foreseeable part of his body.Hair,body,clothing,etc.My art is me and it’s my emotion.It’s my escape when I feel closed in,trapped,lost….drawing saves me from letting go of humanity and hope.
Drawing is my medicine.

Even while writing this entry,i have an open notebook and I’m sketching my feeling of being confused.Hehehehe.
I guess this is one habit I won’t ever heal from ne.
Until Next Entry
Odaiji Ni yo!

Escape

Sitting in the guest bedroom,no tv,just thoughts,and the voice of my dear friend.
Exchanging stories of the past adventures we have been through together,I was informed of sensitive topic.One that reduces my strongest friend to tears as she tells the story.It’s also clarification to a mystery I have always wondered about since long ago.I finally have my answer and a deeper knowledge of the one I call my best friend.
With her permission,i will write the story.

Infants we were bonded,and coming into age during childhood,i’ve noticed how strong of a person my best friend has always been.Guarded emotionally,but mentally unbreakable.Always quick to protect the ones she loved and never one to shy away from helping.This is my best friend and the strongest girl I have acknowledged when I was little.
Sure there were times when she couldn’t shoulder all by herself,but that’s when I would step in and offer my support and help whenever I could.She protested much and usually says “I didn’t need your help”,and I would just smile a bit and say “shut up”.
As we grew older,that strong trait became even more stronger in her,and she was really untouchable.Stubborn,in a sense,but stubborn in a way that you couldn’t help but admire her determination to get better.I still admire that about her.

We go out and have some drinks.Everyone is laughing and having a wonderful time.But my best friend just sits there with full glass of her alcoholic beverage,and she stares deeply into that glass of liquid.I would have to nudge her shoulder and call her name to get her attention back to us.She would apologize and depart the place of our drinking and I would follow to try to talk to her.She would never reveal what was on her mind,but I always knew something deeper troubled my friend.
But this morning,i finally understand why she could never be happy and drink in peace.

When my friend was young,her father left her and her mother.He was an alcoholic and he always felt that drinking was more important than his family.So one day,he packed his things and never returned.Leaving a young girl and her mentally ill mother to fend for themselves.My friend grew to hate the very man that helped give her life.She didn’t waste her time cursing him,instead,she used his departure as motivation to carve a new life and legacy for her family.She knew her mother could barely provide a stable life for her,given her illness.My friend had every reason to lie down and give up and blame her father for their poor condition.No.She used their condition,her bastard father and she worked towards a goal to lift her family to better position.And better her family is now.
Her mother is well taken care of,she is happy,but never interested to brag her wealth or her success.She only works to take care of her mother and to never abandon the ones she love.
Her alcoholic father makes being in the presence of alcohol almost unbearable for her,that she was reduced to tears this morning.It’s very new to me to see her this deeply sad.But by sharing,she is once more smiling.

We all fall into hard times and we always pray,wish for an escape,but it seems it’s so far off in the distance.My friend found her escape and she was successful in her attempt.Even now,before she fell asleep,she told me “I won’t abandon you.No matter what.”
True to her words,embracing a life long promise,she has never failed in anything she sets her heart on.I admire you and I respect you so much,Miyamoto Akira.
Thank you for encouraging me and showing me that there is hope,even for someone like me.Thank you for never leaving my side.
Rest well and be happy forever,My dear friend.

Until next time
Odaiji ni