I was going to do a third entry to my “Dark Tide” mini story,but here I am to say “Screw that!”
The meaning behind those post was a result of my current state of depression.Yes,I am horribly depressed and it’s making me physically ill,Seeing things/people that aren’t here anymore,loss of appetite,feeling alone,hopeless,and simply wanting to die.Yes,it’s a tough pill to swallow when someone tells you that they think about dying or in coded terms “escaping”.It started last Thursday,I finished wishing my crush a good night and boom,depression punched me right in the nose!Since then,I hear a voice telling me how to rid myself of depression for good,but the advice is usually a suicidal method.So I know that my depression is urging me to off myself sooner rather than later.Over the past few days I have contemplated slitting my wrist,hanging myself in my bedroom,drowning in my bath,poisoning myself,and jumping in front of a train.I apologize if this is too graphic,but my blog style is all about sheer honesty no matter how heavy.
Lucky for me,I am still here to share this story.
The way I have been coping with my mood,my disease and all the ill-thoughts attached to it,I simply dance.You heard it right;I dance myself into of state of perseverance.I put my headphones on,i plug into my ipod nano (yes i still own one),maybe I’m feeling some Utada Hikaru, or wavy Kid Cudi,or fist pounding Dir En Grey,or euphoric ODESZA.Whatever I choose to listen to,my life is transformed into a stage in which I am the performer and I will give the performance of a lifetime.
Singing and nodding my head on train,Dancing,spinning,swaying my arms into the Tokyo nights to rhythm of my favourite songs,or just going absolute insane in my bedroom to some roaring metal.No matter the setting or song,I feel the weight of depression weakening and I am free to soar in that moment.
Life gets heavy,why not enlighten ourselves with some joy.