It’s been quite some time since we’ve last exchanged pleasantries.I know that could be caused by multiple circumstances and I am most understanding of that.I am writing this letter to you in the hopes of learning more about your current life(If you respond) and filling you in on my thoughts and feelings surrounding our bond.
With the introduction phase out of the way;how are you?How is your life progressing thus far?I would love to know.Don’t keep me guessing for too long,oke?
As for me,I’m doing well as usual.I got hired to work on something that I have wanted for years now!It could be considered a dream come true!I get to quit my two current jobs that i absolutely loathe and with my resignation,that disqualifies me from traveling to America for a business trip next month.I’m sorta glad,because I am terrified of flying,but missing an opportunity to travel abroad is a tad bit disappointing yo!Its life.I guess with news like that,you would say that I’m more than “well” ne?Quite opposite actually.While I am happy with the direction of my life,there is a very confusing,lingering presence that rattles me from time to time…oke oke,DAILY,dare I say.
That presence is you,if you couldn’t figure it out.I can’t get you out my mind.An endless invasion,whether its your face,name,voice,or memories we have shared.You’re always with me and it makes my heart so heavy because I know I am the only one fighting with this…hahaha.I want to know your secret,how do you simply carry on without a thought or feeling about me?How come its easy for you to forget me and everything we were,but I’m an idiot stuck remembering it all?Its kinda unfair if you think about it.I want to be like you and walk like we never happened,I want to go to bed at night like you and close my eyes and not see your beautiful face,I want to sit in my lonesome and not hear your soft voice around me,and I want to be like you in the aspect that you have no hurt feelings,no pain,no tears,no chained memories of a bond that I held so preciously.So please,share with me how to be like you lol……please.
I guess I am being overly dramatic,but that’s me ne,hehehe.I don’t know,man…..I was foolish to think we were happy,while in reality, only I was selfishly smiling and you were lonely.I have always known you were unhappy and wanted something or someone else,but I thought I could be different and make you see me,win your heart,but I wasn’t enough and I couldn’t defeat the outside noise in your heart.I couldn’t hold your hands to assure you,I couldn’t embrace you to comfort you,and I couldn’t kiss you to adore you as you rightfully deserved,but I selfishly held you.I knew it was broken since the spring,I changed my tone,my approach,my overall view of you changed,it was a living hell in my heart and my mind was chaos,but I never gave up hope that I could change your feelings.You were already gone.
After some time,everything started to make sense,I understood why you didn’t want me to be too around,or to mention us,I abided by that because it was your desire,but my heart felt like you were ashamed of me and that’s oke.I would be too lol.
I’m sorry for everything.If you had never met me,I’m sure you wouldn’t have wasted a good portion of your valuable time and you would have had something to actually be proud of.If I could rewrite time,I would,just for you.I’m so sorry.
I guess I need to wrap this up ne?Hahaha.I didn’t mean to make this too long,but you know me,J never shut up yo!…..I guess your absence is truly the worst part of my life now,but I know that it is only bad on my end,but it’s opposite on your’s,so if it’s true,this pain of missing you is mine to bear as long as you are genuinely happy.I just want you to know,no matter where I am,will go,or do,you never slip my mind nor heart.You’re such a beautiful soul,a brilliant mind,a great companion,and heart’s delight.You truly were and still is,my star in the dark skies.Please take care of yourself and be happy always.