Jaded

Good morning.
This is usually the part where I begin yelling some statement to prove my impending excitement towards something,but not today.Maybe not any day as of late.I don’t know why but I am really not excited about anything nor am I really looking forward to anything.It feels like I am living my mid-20s again where I was trained to not expect anything good or anything worthwhile to happen for me lol.The funny thing about this time is,I am going to Mexico for sure next month,I seriously have an amazing job,and my stars seem to be aligning lately,but why am I sitting here in bed and really resigning myself to already having a lackluster day?It’s a shame,because I have much to look forward to.
My hope is that this is just a temporary mood after finally finding my way out of depression.Whatever it may be,I hope it ends soon,so I won’t want to sleep all day yo!Lets begin my rejuvenation! Anyways,back to sleep lol.
Thank you for reading

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Bailar

I was going to do a third entry to my “Dark Tide” mini story,but here I am to say “Screw that!”
The meaning behind those post was a result of my current state of depression.Yes,I am horribly depressed and it’s making me physically ill,Seeing things/people that aren’t here anymore,loss of appetite,feeling alone,hopeless,and simply wanting to die.Yes,it’s a tough pill to swallow when someone tells you that they think about dying or in coded terms “escaping”.It started last Thursday,I finished wishing my crush a good night and boom,depression punched me right in the nose!Since then,I hear a voice telling me how to rid myself of depression for good,but the advice is usually a suicidal method.So I know that my depression is urging me to off myself sooner rather than later.Over the past few days I have contemplated slitting my wrist,hanging myself in my bedroom,drowning in my bath,poisoning myself,and jumping in front of a train.I apologize if this is too graphic,but my blog style is all about sheer honesty no matter how heavy.
Lucky for me,I am still here to share this story.

The way I have been coping with my mood,my disease and all the ill-thoughts attached to it,I simply dance.You heard it right;I dance myself into of state of perseverance.I put my headphones on,i plug into my ipod nano (yes i still own one),maybe I’m feeling some Utada Hikaru, or wavy Kid Cudi,or fist pounding Dir En Grey,or euphoric ODESZA.Whatever I choose to listen to,my life is transformed into a stage in which I am the performer and I will give the performance of a lifetime.
Singing and nodding my head on train,Dancing,spinning,swaying my arms into the Tokyo nights to rhythm of my favourite songs,or just going absolute insane in my bedroom to some roaring metal.No matter the setting or song,I feel the weight of depression weakening and I am free to soar in that moment.
Life gets heavy,why not enlighten ourselves with some joy.

The Dark Tide: Sinking

Day 2,39 hours later of no sleep.The air I attempt to breathe is the heaviest by far.I sit across from a mirror,seeing my repulsive reflection reminding me of the trauma my mind is putting me through.
Is that a smile peeking through the somber face?Or is it simply my delirium taunting me of an emotion/action I can not mimic.My head hangs low and my line of sight crashes to the ground.Where does it end?Where did it begin?Please tell me how to stop it!
My sanity slowly begins sinking.

Crush

So I finally got around to finishing the ink work on this sketch.Im pretty satisfied with.It only took 5 months to complete lol.

The funny/pathetic story about this piece is that I drew this based on something dumb I did.As you can see,the mask guy represents me because,well…I am the masked blogger and the pink hair woman is my crush.
I have a huge crush on the pink hair woman and we have each other added on all of our social media sites.I generally like to play it “cool” and not comments or like post(don’t ask why.I’m weird).I was stalking her page and I accidentally hit the “like” button on one of her post and I immediately retracted it lol.My head was flooded with “what-if” scenarios of getting caught.It was pretty silly and it gave birth to the idea of this drawing.Fun times yo!

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Time

Hello,my dear blog.It has been quite some time since my previous entry and it wasn’t because I had a lack of topics to expand upon,but rather just having zero motivation to write.I go through lazy spells and I refuse to do anything about them but acknowledge that I am indeed inflicted.
Without further ado,here we go!

2017 was by far the most emotional taxing years i have endured in a long time!There was my amazing relationship,working in/traveling to American for months at a time,working 4 jobs simultaneously,studying Spanish,my breakup,and just trying to find that individual strength to overcome everything.It was a year with alot of fireworks….but sometimes,there are explosions that damage things you cherish.i lost a dear friend of mine and I honestly felt like I lost myself for awhile.That person helped me through an awful time in my life when help or advice was very few and far.So losing her was a blow to my very soul.Just a month before she passed,I almost commited suicide until I received a call on my phone and her first words were: “I think this hair dye is making me high” and I just laughed so hard that I broke down in tears.She had no idea what I was about to do,but her just being herself saved me from myself and ultimately making the biggest mistake of my life.I just regret that I wasn’t able to save her and thank her for saving me without trying.
I still miss her everyday and when I see her name in my contacts,I feel as she is on vacation and will return shortly,but the reality is that it isn’t as I wish.Sigh…

Value those in your life,because you can’t get time back.No matter how much you hope and pray,time doesn’t stop nor stream backwards.Just reach out and appreciate those you consider important.

Thank you for reading

In Progress

I’m so sorry,my blog!The lack of posts and updates is most unfortunate,but life gets in the way yo!I shall return to my all access blogging,because alot has happened between my last post and now.A tragedy,injury,a scare,a HUGE moment,losing a friend,and gaining a new job.I can’t wait to share my experiences soon.Please be patient with me.Thank you so much.

If you would like (I doubt it) you can keep up with me on these sites:

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Hope to see you there!

セール!Sale!

BOYFRIEND FOR SALE!!!
He isn’t the brightest bulb in the lamp,but he will do whatever to bring a smile to your face.He can dance,sing(don’t encourage it),cook(20+ years of experience),laundry is no problem for this lad,and if you can’t speak Japanese,no biggie,he will learn your native tongue (wink wink) lol,but he will seriously learn your language just so he can tell you how much he loves you in words you are familiar with.

Seriously though,this drawing came about after I got dumped not too long ago.Yes,if none of you couldn’t tell by my hyper-emo post for a month and a half,I was suffering from heartache lol.I’m doing much better now,so don’t worry.I can joke about it and my friends seem to get a kick out of it.My best friend,Akira actually inspired this idea.She was like “you get dumped so much,you will need a sign attached to you to find a suitable girlfriend/owner that is willing to love you”,and that’s when i got this idea lol.So yeah,boyfriend for sale.

Necesito Tu Ayuda

おはよう,Blog!
I think I’ve stated this before,but I’ll say it again just in case.I am studying Español!!Yes,I am learning Spanish and I am having a grand time with it!I don’t quite understand it myself,but I am happy when I learn something new from Spanish,even though my reason for mastery of the language has changed,I have gained a new purpose for it.My purpose now is to master the language in order to open the door to new bonds with an even larger number of people where a language barrier would have existed.NOT ANYMORE YO!!Kyo is coming with a new found power in the form of a Spanish tongue!

My question is: Where/what are some online Spanish learning sites I could use to gain friends who would want to help me with my learning?Is there anyone reading this post willing to exchange contact info with the purpose of helping gain confidence in my sentence structuring and speaking?lol….I know I am asking alot,but I am seriously pumped to become fluent in Spanish.
Thank you for everything!

Maldición Del Corazón

When I was about 6 years of age,my best friend,Akira and I went bike riding and we were both dumb kids,so we rode through mud,insect infested grass,and literally for almost 4 hours.The skies darkened,raindrops started falling lightly,so we gather our remaining energy to begin our journey home.About 10 minutes into the ride with home nowhere in sight,the rain poured heavily upon us,mind you that we were not prepared for rain,thus we had not been dress appropriately for such weather.Akira challenged me with “the first person to reach my (Akira’s) house wins!”,and we started peddling faster,until her front tire hit a big rock and she fell to the ground,her bike not too far beside her,and she cried out from the pain in her ankle.I jumped off my bike,ran over to her,and tried to encourage her to stand so we can make it home to my mother since she is a doctor.Akira couldn’t stand at all,so I kneeled in front of her,looking forward,and I told her to get on my back.I picked her up,leaving the bikes behind,which caused her to feel guilty,so I promised her that I would come back to retrieve the bikes once I get her home.
We finally made it to her home,my legs sore and tired from carrying her,drained of my overall energy,and soaked from the rain; Akira’s mother answered my knock and immediately retrieved Akira and aided her bruised ankle.She told me to come inside to get warm,but I bowed deeply,refused,apologized,and I ran all the way back to retrieve our bikes as promised,returned her bike,and finally I made it home.Later that night I fell ill with a high fever that lasted nearly two weeks

The moral of the story is: No matter my relationship with someone,the changing situations,or feelings,I will never give up on anyone.

The reason I am writing this is because I am attempting to rekindle my friendship with someone whom I’ve dated long ago.Insane,ne?Yes,but where is the golden rule stating that you shouldn’t be friends with your ex?If you’ve started out as friends,then you can easily revert back to friends.She was literally my partner in crime in every sense of the phrase,but our breakup not only put distance between us,it created a huge void that we couldn’t recover from.
I have always said that I forgive everything before anyone ever decides to apologize because I want to keep those precious bonds.Failed feelings of the heart shouldn’t be an excuse to dismiss someone or the memories that were made in happiness.That is my belief and on the grounds of that belief,I have maintained friendships with some of my exes except one lol and I even made good friends with people who’ve bullied me during my school years!I never give up on people that are in my life,because they have impacted it in some capacity and I am grateful for their influence.I know alot of people have given up on me and that is oke.Everyone has their own reasons for keeping you around,but if you ever come into my life,believe that I won’t let you walk away easily.My gratitude and interest will always lead me to you again.
It’s my heart’s curse.

Thank you for reading.