So I am officially losing my mind!Well….what was left of it anyways.So as I stated a fews post ago,I’ll taking an ill-advised trip to Mexico in December.The trip is not only ill-advised,but due to my own stupidity,it’s now also ill-planned!I have no place to stay yo!Hahahaha.I know exactly what most of you are thinking, “Why in the world did you book a flight across the globe and now reserve a place to stay!?”,weeeeell the specifics I won’t get into because it will depress me,but I’m not the brightest star in the sky,if you catch my wave.So yeah….X-amount of money on a trip that I would have never taken at random(lol) and no place to reside during my 2 week visit.
All is not lost!I have been looking into Airbnb and the rates are perfect for my thin wallet yo!Literally,This trip cost me my limbs,some blood,maybe a fingernail,and my happiness to afford it!Never work jobs out of your element!That type of stress can kill you.
My true dilemma is not the price nor the reason for going,but rather my anxiety is literally holding me hostage right now.I rescheduled my trip for the 28th of December instead of the 21st because I seriously need time to find a place to crash.Anyways,Every day I think about the trip,the sights,sounds,people,a certain something,etc and I literally lose my mind.I lose the will to even want to go and it’s stronger each day.I woke up this morning 85% certain that I will call this entire thing off and stay my brown bunz in Japan yo!Hahahaha….but that is also most cowardly and it goes against the promise that I’ve made.Never break a promise no matter how many times you are broken.My father taught me that,so I must somehow overcome the negative voice in my head.
It sucks,because I honestly felt like I was doing well this year,compared to last,but my mind is growing weaker,but as long as I can make a fist and mentally drown out the doubt with the drums of defiance,I will never cease to back down from anything.I know I am fighting a losing fight and I was already defeated,but I’m too stubborn to let it end with me defeating myself.
I guess I am walking a tightrope of “Should I go or Should I stay home?”lol.It’s not fun because I feel the winds of doubt swaying the rope and I’m at the tipping point.I’ll always hold on,but I fear my grip is weakening and I can’t allow this defeat.So there you have it,nonsensical rambling by the most nonsensical man in Japan.
Have a good day everyone.
Don’t lose your minds reading this