Another late night post,another flood of thoughts coming to my mind.
There is this feeling inside that I can’t simply rid myself of,no matter how much I falsely smile to make others be at ease or how I verbally say “I’m fine”,I am not oke,but I have to pretend to be for the sake of others.It’s the way it’s always been.
One aspect of my life I am not shy to hide is the fact that i do suffer from depression in a great amount.The main proponent of my depression is my father’s passing.I do have a mother and other siblings but my father was the one that i could run to when things seemed heavy or i was being a brat.Mind you that I was only 14 when he died,so my struggles became all the more unbearable as I’ve aged and I couldn’t fall back on the other arms in my life.Alot are unwilling if not annoyed to always catch you when you fall.
I don’t know what my problem is recently,but I feel the need and desire have someone to fall in to.It’s selfish because if you overload someone with your issues and an overbearing/dramatic actions,you ultimately drive them away.I learned that the hard way this week.
I guess with my health the way it is and just being stressed,I feel very alone and I just want to be with people or anyone that will comfort me in their arms.It’s a selfish feeling because everyone is going through something and the last thing anyone want is to haul around someone else’s baggage.
I woke up from my nap with a sense of clarity;I don’t need anyone.I have been fine on my own thus far and I shall be ne.So to my friends,Mari,and anyone else,Im sorry for placing my weight on you.It was selfish and it will never take place again.My feelings are best bottled up,swallowed,and i be reborn with a fierce fire for life.
I will always offer my help to anyone that needs it,but please,let me walk on my own.Thank you
I CAN’T SLEEP!!!
NO I am not drinking or anything.I feel highly energetic and motivated to do so many things at once,but i’m mentally burning myself out in the process lol.Isn’t that funny!?Not a bad problem to have,in my opinion.I’m having a ton of fun at 5 in the morning,or should I say: a las cinco de la mañana.I’M LEARNING SPANISH BTW!
The video I posted is by a person/group by the name of Tommy ’86 and the song is called: “Why Did I Say Goodbye”.It’s an absolute jam to listen to,especially when you are alone and just chilling or if you just want a reason to dance!Whatever it is,it’s a damn good song!
Anyways,i have seriously started studying Spanish and I am enjoying it the more I dive into the language.I guess it helps that I am half-way decent in English,because Spanish sentence structures aren’t that different than their English counterpart.So I am grateful that I am able to pick this up so rapidly,because I want to be able to communicate with many people worldwide without barriers!I feel selfish sometimes,because I actually think I sound sexier speaking Spanish,than my native Japanese lol!Don’t ask me how or why,I’m just a baka,KING BAKA,in fact!!
I’m going to study a bit more now,because why not?!I can’t help but feel excited when I’m learning yo!The sun is slowly rising and my eyes aren’t falling at all!Bummer.Music,Candy,and Spanish til I fall yo!
P.s I added some links to the side of my page that will direct you to my personal Facebook,Twitter,and Instagram.REACH OUT TO ME,PEOPLE!!No really,you don’t have to.I’m quite shy.^-^v
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!
I’ve never been one for statistics or worrying about the popular vote,but somehow I’ve managed to amass 52 followers to this train-wreck of a blog of mine!I don’t know how or why,but I am extremely grateful that you all took time out of your lives to read my nonsense and choose to follow my writing.Words are beyond me now because I don’t feel accomplished nor am I doing this for any popularity,I write on this blog because I have so much to say and truth be told,talking to myself is becoming a little bit strange ne lol.I feel a great sense of happiness and gratefulness for the people that take a quick glance at my writing and stick through it and some even hit the “like” button.That always make me crack a silly little smile,which is rare because I am not a smiling type,but you guys have done it!
This place is like a safe haven for me when my emotions become to heavy to carry anymore,I let out my screams and laughter here and it’s conveyed in long post or short ones;what you read is the true me with no filter or political correctness.This is me and my life laid bare.I haven’t been in a happy mood for awhile now and my writing as of late reflects that and that is why I will never filter or fake what I feel here.You will get Emo Kyo lol!
Because of you all,I feel a sense of happiness and I am thankful for each and everyone of you.From my heart,Thank you so much for taking this journey with me.I hope you guys will accompany me as i embark on more yo!
Until next time,Thank you all so much for reading!
There is something quite humbling about walking underneath the darkening evening skies of Tokyo after a long day of work.
For 32 years I have walked this atmosphere and for each day,the experience is still an enlightening moment.So sincere and calming,yet loud in silence and vivid in provoking thoughts.
I had my usual busy day today,working an 8-9 hour shift,and I went to this mexican restaurant named: Guzman y Gomez in Shibuya.I am glad i did because I had an amazing lunch and one of the workers recommended me a dish and i had tears of joy from every bite yo!Hahaha!I like to randomly surprise myself every now and then.
As my day comes to end,I can’t help but feel somewhat empty.No I am not sad,but it’s a form of loneliness that isn’t painful nor tear invoking,It’s just I return to my little apartment and I find myself talking to my echo vibrating off the walls.Am I going insane?Has my mental capacity broken down?Or am I missing someone?It’s more so that I am missing someone very much but I must be mindful that she is also most busy in her life currently.She is working so hard and she is succeeding at a phenomenal rate!I couldn’t be more proud.Maybe I am selfish,but that person makes me so happy when I see her face or hear her voice,so is my loneliness justified?I don’t know,But what I do know is that i miss you,Mari
I am happy whilst in my loneliness,but I’m still yearning nonetheless.
As long as she keeps giving it her all,I’ll look to these wonderful skies and convey my heart to her through the traveling winds!
Good afternoon my long deserted blog!!
I have some time so im just going to do a quick review
I am officially 31 years of age.I am steadily growing old by a landslide!!Some say that I should embrace my advancing age because wisdom comes with age.lol.Not sure about that one.I feel weaker in the brain more than before.
I spent a month and a half in America and maaaaan was it a strange experience!lol.
Most importantly: Im learning Spanish!!Im progressing rapidly and in no time,I’ll be able to bully my gf in her native language!!Wish me luck!^.^v
Good morning my dear blog.I come to you lacking in both sleep and health.Seems to be a progressing theme throughout the years ne?Maybe its just my imagination yo!Whatever it is,its been a very fascinating two weeks for me.
I have been suffering from terrible migraines for about 3 weeks now.They aren’t always migraines but rather lingering headaches that trend from mild annoyances to throbbing hell in my cranium.At first I talked to my mother about this because she was a neurosurgeon and she could shed some light on my ailment.I was just under the impression that it was just a result of my poor eye sight that has followed me since early childhood.Yes,I used to wear glasses as a kid.Wasn’t fun.Funny,but definitely not fun.Anyways,she filled me in on the possibility that i could have an aneurysm which is not to be taken lightly.I guess anything dealing with the brain is no small matter ne?So i went and got a test done on my head and it was found that i have some minor swelling on my brain.Nothing lethal but me being inept in this department made me start writing my will.lol.
On top of the brain thingy,I am battling hayfever and inflammation of my throat!Ugh!So I am stuck in bed when I could be out making money!It wouldn’t be so bad if I could sketch.I know some will say: “What’s stopping you!?” Well i will tell you;I’ve hit the proverbial “wall”.My headphones broke which takes away my intimate music listening experience,which then disrupts the harmonic swaying of creativity in my head,and that leaves my hands utterly rhythmless.It’s rough!
So That’s how my days have been lately,chaotic and frustrating.My girlfriend has been giving me some really good advice that i am implementing in order to better myself.I doubt she will pleased to learned that i totally denied my medication’s drowsy effect in order to stay awake and watch Super Smash Bros tourney (Sorry sweetheart)lol.Which has been great by the way!
There are times in which you awaken in total peace,a serenity of blissful portions,but there are those days where everything that can go wrong does go wrong.I am having one of those days,and gosh…it’s been on an epic scale!
Welcome to the storm!
Tuesday,my “peaceful” rest day away from work actually becomes the day where peace is replaced with annoyance and agitation.I don’t know why or how,but I am literally in the worst mood possible.It’s not like I had a stressful prior Monday or anything of the sort;I just wake up sometimes and feel like I shouldn’t be awake.
Don’t get me wrong,I am not emo.Those days are long gone along with the cheap hair dye,dark clothing,and nail polish.
I think I have literally woken up on the rough side of the bed.
I do want to thank my wonderful and PATIENT girlfriend,Mariana for putting up with my unpredictability and unstable attitude today.She is my foundation and my safe haven.I will talk more in depth about her in my following post.So yeah,You’re getting a “My Gf is the best gf” post because Mariana is simply that,T-H-E B-E-S-T!
Well I will go back to containing my mood with Chocolates,Kid Cudi (his latest album: “Passion,Pain,and Demon Slaying”is a great listen btw),and sketching.Why does my sketches make me hate my hands!!Ugh!
On that note,I will enter my storm and exit this rant.You all have a great day and STAY positive yo!
Until next post…
Thank you for reading
Ja ne yo!
“What’s in a blog?”,I ask to myself.I have been left so uninspired lately that I’ve just taken a 2 month leave of absence yo!Ugh!I humbly apologize.
I find myself walking a steadily quiet life.The noise that once echoed wherever I’ve roamed is fading ever-so greatly;not that it’s an issue,but I must admit,I find it to be a tad bit eerie.
I am waking every morning to silence and the ol’ grind of heading to the Tsutaya to start my daily work routine.
Yes,I work at a tsutaya/repair shop or whatever the heck the place wants to be labeled.It’s my sole occupation at the moment,because my main job of 12 years has come to a close.More on that later.
I have so much free time and I have to listen to myself think;which is a NO NO!I hate having time to think,because it means that I am wasting time that is limited these days,well….not anymore.
The point is: MY LIFE IS BARE RIGHT NOW!!
Well,This is all.I just needed to rant to kick off my return to blogging.Woooo.I’ll have more later.
See you all later
Until next time…
As I sit on this train ride to work,I’ve seemed to be hit with an inspiration for a blog entry.I don’t quite understand what is so inspiring about a packed train ride to a destination i mostly spend my days,but it happens most often than not.So let me elaborate on my inspirational mood
Everyone is equipped with an original personality whether it’s welcomed or openly despised,It’s our own charm or alarm.But have you ever wondered why certain people you know are the way that they are?Do you ever catch yourself drifting ever so deeply in the spiraling questions as to how a certain personality came to be?
I will admit that I am most intrigued by human behaviour and psychology.It’s going to be a theme of my very first written title someday.But,my interest goes beyond the general consensus that; “he/she is weird,he/she is kind,or he/she is a jerk.”
Why does one act in a weird manner?Why does one carry themselves kindly?What makes that “jerk” tick?
Those are the questions I often find myself asking.Will i ever have an answer?No.Am I satisfied without having resolution?Of course!
Sometimes there are reasons for everything that are not meant to be understand.Maybe the truth isn’t always a welcomed open forum for all to be made aware of.
Privacy is a rare shelter given the age social media popularity.This post all,snap all,share all era is so vast that it is almost impossible to be quiet or reserved.There are internet personalities that thrive off the attention but most of the time,those idols are nothing more than just an “act”.
It’s very easy to pretend to be anything or anyone when you don’t have to be close to everyone who praises you from afar.
So originality is a fleeing concept.
For those that know me,I will never fail to be known as weird,maybe a jerk,maybe a oddy,maybe distant,but never forget these words; “I am who I am.There will never be a single soul able to imitate or recreate my personality”.
As for why I behave the way I do,Who knows.As far as I am concerned,My actions make me feel like me,Kyo.
Keep an open mind yo!
Don’t think too deeply about another personality unless you are ready for madness.