Separate Sky

October used to be a month that I looked forward to with such overflowing excitement,but now,I feel nothing but hollow and disappointment.It’s just kind of ironic that last year around this time,I was beginning a business trip in America and I was in a very depressing part of my life.I mean it was so pathetic that I literally caved in to the demands of a ghost.Hahaha.Quite funny ne?
Fast forward to present time and I am not doing any better.I’m over-thinking,I’m anxiously awaiting for a presence that doesn’t recognize me,I’m over-working,and overall I feel defeated.I have no one but myself to blame,because I caved in to a ghost.This time,the ghost was a situation that I mistaken for a mutual bond.Yes,I am quite dumb.

I am sitting outside at the edge of night and wondering what does your sky view look like.It’s a bit baffling that some point in time,our skies seemed to entwine but maybe it was an illusion created by my foolish,hopeful heart.To call you,to hear you,to see you,to share our tales….it was a wonderful time to stand underneath a shared sky,or so I selfishly thought.Without physical evidence,It was nothing more than whisper on the wind ne?Sigh….I was truly selfish and I can’t begin to make it up to you.I don’t know how.The only thing I can do is fade away without a trace.It’s simple.I never existed nor meant anything anyways.Is it disappointing?Sure but it’s nothing new.I have been molded by disappointment when my innocence was stolen at a very young age.I can’t even recall a year in which I haven’t suffered some type of scar.It created me,so I guess I am used to it.
Whether it is friendship or love,it all ends up the same.The actors may change but the ending is always spot on.”You’re a good friend,Kyo but……” Or “I do love you,but…..” Aaaaaaaaaand begin the nice ways of telling me to “fuck off” or dropping hints that my presence is a bother or whatever.All it does is make me feel like I am not good enough.Which I am not.I know that all too well now and there isn’t a lie in the world that can change how I feel.
So yeah….Kyosuke is not a real enough person to be acknowledged.At least that is what my years of trying to bond with others taught.But it’s alright.It truly is.
I just wish I wouldn’t expect people to be different or try to convince me that it will be different.No,you’re all the same but with different excuses.It’s life,and with this type of life,I have lost faith in people,I just try to smile so there will be no worries.

I am only angry with myself for wasting so many people’s time.To everyone,I am truly sorry for everything.
Well,I guess I did enough “Kyo bashing” so I will go have my shower and stare at the ceiling lol.I am truly on my own in a separate sky
Ja ne


病気日-Sick Day

Good morning my dear blog.I come to you lacking in both sleep and health.Seems to be a progressing theme throughout the years ne?Maybe its just my imagination yo!Whatever it is,its been a very fascinating two weeks for me.

I have been suffering from terrible migraines for about 3 weeks now.They aren’t always migraines but rather lingering headaches that trend from mild annoyances to throbbing hell in my cranium.At first I talked to my mother about this because she was a neurosurgeon and she could shed some light on my ailment.I was just under the impression that it was just a result of my poor eye sight that has followed me since early childhood.Yes,I used to wear glasses as a kid.Wasn’t fun.Funny,but definitely not fun.Anyways,she filled me in on the possibility that i could have an aneurysm which is not to be taken lightly.I guess anything dealing with the brain is no small matter ne?So i went and got a test done on my head and it was found that i have some minor swelling on my brain.Nothing lethal but me being inept in this department made me start writing my

On top of the brain thingy,I am battling hayfever and inflammation of my throat!Ugh!So I am stuck in bed when I could be out making money!It wouldn’t be so bad if I could sketch.I know some will say: “What’s stopping you!?” Well i will tell you;I’ve hit the proverbial “wall”.My headphones broke which takes away my intimate music listening experience,which then disrupts the harmonic swaying of creativity in my head,and that leaves my hands utterly rhythmless.It’s rough!
So That’s how my days have been lately,chaotic and frustrating.My girlfriend has been giving me some really good advice that i am implementing in order to better myself.I doubt she will pleased to learned that i totally denied my medication’s drowsy effect in order to stay awake and watch Super Smash Bros tourney (Sorry sweetheart)lol.Which has been great by the way!

嵐- Arashi

There are times in which you awaken in total peace,a serenity of blissful portions,but there are those days where everything that can go wrong does go wrong.I am having one of those days,and gosh…it’s been on an epic scale!
Welcome to the storm!

Tuesday,my “peaceful” rest day away from work actually becomes the day where peace is replaced with annoyance and agitation.I don’t know why or how,but I am literally in the worst mood possible.It’s not like I had a stressful prior Monday or anything of the sort;I just wake up sometimes and feel like I shouldn’t be awake.
Don’t get me wrong,I am not emo.Those days are long gone along with the cheap hair dye,dark clothing,and nail polish.
I think I have literally woken up on the rough side of the bed.

I do want to thank my wonderful and PATIENT girlfriend,Mariana for putting up with my unpredictability and unstable attitude today.She is my foundation and my safe haven.I will talk more in depth about her in my following post.So yeah,You’re getting a “My Gf is the best gf” post because Mariana is simply that,T-H-E B-E-S-T!

Well I will go back to containing my mood with Chocolates,Kid Cudi (his latest album: “Passion,Pain,and Demon Slaying”is a great listen btw),and sketching.Why does my sketches make me hate my hands!!Ugh!
On that note,I will enter my storm and exit this rant.You all have a great day and STAY positive yo!
Until next post…
Thank you for reading
Ja ne yo!


I am still not sure how I should go about updating this blog.Maybe daily?Every other day?weekly?Bi-weekly?I have not the slightest clue.but,I do know one thing….I am beginning to enjoy blogging again!
So,here we goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!


Lately,I have been really stressed about many things and it seems as if the tides aren’t turning anytime soon.That fact lead me to an idea for an entry today.
As you can see in the picture above.It’s a drawing I did awhile ago and I want it to be the focus of this topic.
The reasoning for that is that,it may only seem like a simple bad drawing,but its much more than that.In fact,that drawing represent an emotion I was feeling when I conceived it.

that was the initial emotion I was feeling when my hands composed that drawing.Not only was I just sketching to kill time,i was sketching with emotion.It’s a habit I picked up during my depressed teen years.During those times,i felt I had no outlet to express myself or how I was feeling.Introverted was my lifestyle,shyness was my overall armour to society,and mute was my sound of choice.I didn’t know how to handle attention,how to fit in,or how to explain how I felt.I was always nervous,but wanted help,wanted to speak but my mouth wouldn’t produce the sounds necessary to communicate,and my body wouldn’t allow me to approach others.I was stuck!
I started watching anime at a very young age,i got into manga,and I was fascinated with how the author/artist conveyed his/her story not only through the words,but by the characters needed to form his/her universe.
I picked up a pencil and started sketching and what came out was weird little characters that always had a frown or shooting some form of spirit energy from their hands.
I was angry at myself for not being able to do things like normal kids and people,to talk normal,act normal,and it all came out in the form of my weird little frowning characters.

Drawing was and still is my way to cope with life.When I feel a certain way that I can not explain.I pick up a notebook,random sheet of paper,or just any blank canvas and I just let my emotions flow unto my hands and release on the paper.
That drawing above is a representation of my feeling misunderstood and that only my art can truly understand how I feel and how I am.That character in the mask with blues eyes represents me and he wears his art on every foreseeable part of his body.Hair,body,clothing,etc.My art is me and it’s my emotion.It’s my escape when I feel closed in,trapped,lost….drawing saves me from letting go of humanity and hope.
Drawing is my medicine.

Even while writing this entry,i have an open notebook and I’m sketching my feeling of being confused.Hehehehe.
I guess this is one habit I won’t ever heal from ne.
Until Next Entry
Odaiji Ni yo!