Let’s Take a Trip

Good morning everyone!
I apologize for the lack of updates lately,but I am here now and I have stuff I would like to share.So please don’t expect long posts that drag on like before.I don’t want to be annoying anymore.

Since I can’t sleep,why not blog ne?So here I am and I want to share that August 30th I’m leaving Japan once more but I’ll return October 1st!Just in time for spooky month woo!I have decided since I have a month off,I should take my daughter,Kogi
back home.It’s only fair ne.Anywho,i have my tickets booked and my hotel ready.First stop is in Puerto Vallarta since the tickets from Tokyo to there is choooooo cheap,compared to flying to Guadalajara!So let’s work on our tans before going back to Guadalajara yo!

That’s all I have to share for now.I am kinda sick right now,so I apologize if I don’t post daily.
Thank you for reading.

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Sunset

What I am about to say is the direct opposite of my blog title,but….Good morning everyone.

Yesterday was rough for me emotionally,mentally I still haven’t processed what it all means,and physically depression has my body unwilling to move.I called in sick to work today because I just can’t get out of bed and I am not sure when I will be able to.It’s just….nothing in this life is guaranteed to us and we all want to believe that we can hold on forever.The truth is,nothing is really in our grasp fully,we only trick ourselves into clenching what cannot be held forever.Yesterday I learned that the hard way.
The funny thing is,one of my friends reached out to me for a translation and i gladly obliged.The translation was a self-reflection on the fleeing of time.It stated how time is goes by quickly when you are having fun and experiencing new adventures and how time seems to drag on when you are stuck in your boring ways.For the past two years,time went by in a blur.Especially last year.I got lost in a new horizon,I grew with new energy,I bloomed with happiness,and I found a reason to believe in people.I was born anew.The fault is,I never really wanted to see the sunset on this beautiful timeline,because I love how bright and vivid this life has become.Unfortunately,the sun set yesterday and I am lost in this perpetual nightfall of confusion and doubt.

I don’t know what I expected or what I wanted as the endgame,but I know that there is just one fact of life that I want to be around forever.Without that truth,my entire days feel like a blank lie.Nothing makes sense nor does any of it feel real,but I know it is.
The person I am wants to evolve and become someone that could accept and understand the situation in order to prevent the loss of my beautiful sun.I haven’t slept because I am brainstorming how to carry onward and reach that height again.I don’t want this light to fade.I don’t want the sun to set on this reality.I won’t give up.No matter how hard,how much pain I must endure,nor how far I must go….I will come back to seize the day.

My December

Hey!It’s me,Kyo,the madman,insomnia’s slave.Whatever you choose to call me,just know that I am back again with my next entry in less than 10 hours from my previous one.Yay!My anxiety is so bad right now and I can’t imagine closing my eyes!This post will be short,but a light-hearted affair,opposite of what my usual content.Please enjoy.

We all know the story of Christmas,santa Claus,snowy wonderlands,and Jack skeleton trying to bring Christmas to Halloween town lol.Oke oke,that last bit isn’t a part of the Christmas lore,but The Nightmare Before Christmas is one of my favourite Halloween/Christmas flicks.Anyways,Christmas isn’t traditionally a holiday in East Asian and it’s mostly an event to mimic western culture,but not truly capturing the spirit of the season leading up to the day.Sure we get snow,have Santa in store windows,and encouraging people to shop,but it lacks the passion that I have seen in western Christmas movies.
I have traveled to the west before on work assignment during their Christmas time,but I never got a chance to fully engage with it.That was until December of last year.

As most of you that read my blog are aware that I spent the better half of 2018 in Mexico.That also means that I spent the majority of December in Mexico and I got the full experience of Christmas!
For the first time in my entire life,I got to experience and FEEL the excitement surrounding that season!I got to experience families shopping for each other,decorated homes,Christmas songs(I was cleaning while enjoying Spanish Christmas songs lol),the shopping rush at the mall,the christmas themed treats,and I got to experience all of that firsthand by accompanying my roommate on her journey to find the perfect gifts for her family.The daily questioning if one gift was suitable for the person intended or if she needed other gifts,buying a TON of fluff to put in the gift bags,having egg sandwiches and hot chocolate while watching the Santa Clause trilogy (LMAO),and just the overall mood.
It was magical to me.Taking it all in from a perspective of someone that has never experienced it before was truly overwhelming in the best way possible!Yes it happened during a difficult time,but the Christmas spirit that I have only seen from movies was finally felt by me.I am forever changed by it.I honestly wish I could experience it again lol.Too bad I am stuck in Tokyo….

Thanks for reading.

Soar

“Now this could be a beautiful death.I’m jumping out the window.Letting everything go”.
Those are lyrics from Kanye West’s song “Power” and I think about them alot.More than I hate to admit…

I feel removed,used,controlled,and unlike myself.I want to break free and finally be free from all of this.I want to never feel the weight of the world again,I never want to smile again with a knife piercing in my back,I never want to be a victim again,and I never want to be….
I always hated the idea of super powers with destructive force or ones that grant whatever you want.I always wanted to fly.I wanted to soar so high and just never touch the ground again.The air of freedom surrounding me as my being elevates far above my worries.Leaving behind things that keep me grounded and insane.That’s what I wanted for so long,but now I am stuck and I don’t like where I am.I don’t like how controlling my therapist is and making me cut ties with people,I don’t like this medication that makes me so calm that I want to off myself,and I don’t want to be sick anymore.I had enough.

I just want to fly away to my freedom.
I promise I will smile and be happy there.
Thank you.

Language of Love

What I am about to write is no laughing matter!…Maybe it is,but whatever.This entry is going to be EXTREMELY cheesy,so if you read through the entire post,prepare to cringe.

At my therapy session yesterday,the topic of “love” was brought up and my current relationship.Eida-san wanted to know how this love makes me feel,function,and how can I be certain that it’s not lust rather than love.Without hesitation,I informed her that I am absolutely certain with my whole heart that I am in love with this person.
I like to believe that my exposure to the rest of the world,mostly western cultures at a young age helped shaped me into a more progressive Japanese than the majority around me.I have a more laid-back perspective on alot if topics and issues that most Japanese would shy away from or ignore because it’s “too much”.With that said,I know what liking someone for pure lust is like and I know what loving someone feels like.What this person make me feel everyday is something I have never felt my entire life and this person isn’t really doing much to provoke it,but by her just being herself,it sends me to the moon and back.

One thing that solidifies my confidence in my love for her is: I am investing all of my time and effort into being able to speak fluent Spanish.Yes,you read that correctly.For the past 2 years,I have bought over 6 books to aid in my studies,listening to Mexican telenovela(dramas),becoming accustomed to the music,and using an app to test my skills of the language.Yes,I am doing my absolute best to learn Spanish not for her,but for the sake of communicating with her family someday.
I have been in plenty mixed relationship in which the language of choice wasn’t just Japanese or English,there have been many.The difference is,I never felt this strongly enough to go and chase the language nor have I had this logic attached.
When I grew close to her,my initial thought was to pick up Spanish so I could understand her and her culture better.Without hesitation,I started studying as if I was back in high school.The very first attempt at a Spanish phrase with her was “Buenas tardes(good afternoon)” and she mocked my pronunciation of the words and since then,my heart became set on her and my journey needed Spanish a part of it.

So is it love or lust?I am 10000000000% certain that it’s love because studying this language everyday without fail leaves me utterly brain dead at times lol.I don’t mind,because one day it will come in handy when I am able to communicate to her family that I plan to marry her and get their blessings.
If you are reading this,you know who you are,and I love you so much.Thank you for sticking with me.

Ni Bien Ni Mal

I don’t know why I am writing this,but I just need to vent.I am not even sure if it’s venting or just being my regular emo-self,but I feel so oppressed lately.I just need to take a load off my mind and heart and prepare for my next hurdle.

Lately I don’t know if I am doing fine or bad,but I do feel a certain imbalance of stability.I take my meds,I sketch until I physically can’t,I rock out to some tunes,and I even recall back to my yoga lessons.I try to do things that I find to be therapeutic and for the most part,it helps (?).In the same breath,I think about everything,literally.I think about my past,I think about Mexico(alot lol),I think about someone(obviously too much lol),and I think about how excited I am to set out on my next adventure.All good and well right?Wrong.It all overwhelms me and I honestly feel like I am drowning.

In 2 days,I’ll be facing a world that I pressed reset on.I don’t know what will happen and I don’t know if I will be alright,but it is so close and most haunting.I am overly excited about not doing things as before,but I am also most terrified of not having that familiarity.I am a victim of my own design and emotions lol.

In short,I am sorry to everyone that I have given little updates to or anyone that feels ignored.I just can’t handle certain questions at this point,because I honestly don’t have questions to my own.I do,however promise to return when I figure out everything.Until then,Thank you all for putting up with the burden known as me,Kyosuke.I am sorry.Take care please.

Saigo no Ashita

Several days ago,I was approached with the question,”If you knew that tomorrow was your last,what would you want more than anything in this world?”.It’s a very daunting question ne?Given my current situation,its not a fantasy question,but more so a possible reality that I may face sooner rather than later.Even so,the question wears a considerable amount of weight to it and one would be stomped to quickly think of an adequate answer…. Not me.I know exactly how I would want my final 24 hours to commence.

Logic dictates that common answers would be to have unlimited amounts of wealth,a date with your dream person,and to live out your dream for 24 hours.Not me..I have made my share of wealth during years ago,I don’t have a dream girl that I would date for a day,and I accomplished my biggest dream at the age of 18.I am not saying that I currently don’t have dreams,but I certainly tasted my fair share of them during years ago.
So what would I want to do for my final tomorrow?…. I just want to have a regular hangout day with my best friend…

I don’t want my last day to be lavish and full of otherworldly gifts.No.I want to grab a coffee and watch Netflix shows/movies with my best friend or watch stupid videos on YouTube.Yes,these are things I came to enjoy very much.Taking public transportation to movie theaters,little events,or going to restaurants to stuff our faces… Those are things I would love to do on my final day.Whether in Japan or elsewhere,as long as I can hang out with my best friend and play video/board games together,I wouldn’t ask for anything further.My wish is kinda lame ne?I guess my life is grey after all.

Reclaim

I am currently bedridden with a fever and body aches,but I feel productive today.With the productive mentality,why not blog ne?行くぜよ!

I feel productive today because I FINALLY felt the urge to draw and there was an excitement throughout the process.I haven’t felt that way in almost a full year,dating back to February of last year.I don’t know how or why,but I lost my heart and will to draw.The passion that carried me through dark times and led me to success early in life,it faded away.With the disappearance of my passion for art,I felt as if a huge part of me disappeared as well.I felt hollow and as if I should be doing something,but I could never figure out what it could be.My mind wouldn’t allow me to think nor would my heart believe that I needed to be drawing.It’s truly essential to who I am and my way of living.Today,I rediscovered(hopefully) a small flame of my drawing ability and I wish to nurture this feeling.I want to bask in this moment and burn out bright once more.I want to draw this world from the eyes of my own and create a tale of wonder!I want to seize this year and make it unforgettable!Am I shouting!?I sure hope so!

In México,I not only discovered things about myself,but I learned some information that may be vital to my future.I destroyed myself and redesigned my very being to adapt to tough situations.Through art and passion,I will achieve all that I have planned for this year.I will take my skills to the next level,I will not betray anyone,I will work harder than before,I will live life like no tomorrow,I will bring you to Japan(so don’t fail math!),and I will not rest until my vision is seen in completion!Lets go forth and knock don’t any walls that stand in our way!

If you are curious about any of my art,feel free to stop by my Instagram page(link below),browse,drop some likes,or even leave a comment.I don’t bite.You can check me out here: http://www.instagram.com/knky0

Help Wanted

HELP ME PLEASE!!Hold on!Let me explain first!

So,voy a Guadalajara en diciembre(I’m going to Guadalajara in December)for what was supposed to be a romantic vacation,but a change of plans occurred so now it’s just me traveling as a student.Hahaha.Although I am not a very smart student,but I do value other cultures outside of Japanese(my native culture),so I plan to bathe in the Mexican culture on this trip.
I have been planning this trip since the beginning of this year and I refuse to back down no matter what!So with that in mind,I have bought at least 5 Spanish books to equip myself to communicate with the people of Mexico.My real reason was to become good enough to confess my feelings to a special person in her own tongue(LOL)and thank her Mother for being most kind to me and for hosting me.I will admit that I have a pretty good grip on the basic sentence structures and grammar functions,due to my learning English at a very young age.All in all,it’s pretty to grasp and the phonetics isn’t too different from Japanese,so I just need to have more confidence!
So,you may be asking yourselves,”Why the ‘Help wanted’ title then?!”.Well,I do understand the basics,but having a fluent speaker to practice with makes a world’s difference in language progression.Having a teacher in elementary level educations aided in our mastering our own languages,so the same logic can be applied to learning outside languages ne?

I am not entirely serious,but I am not saying “NO!” to any help offered.I am not truly posting an AD that will pay you for your time and services,but I would appreciate anyone if they decided to help this foreign baka from the kindness of their heart(s)lol.
So if anyone would like to help,you can contact me at a few places(ONLY IF YOU CHOOSE TO!!)
I can be reach on:

TWITTER
INSTAGRAM

Email – kyosukeshinobu@yahoo.com
FACEBOOK – search for “Kyosuke Shinobu” im the only one 😉

Thank you for reading!

 

Don’t Quit Your Day Job(s)

As the title of this entry states: “Don’t quit your day job(s)” is a phrase i’ve thought i would’ve never had to seriously contemplate.I am currently working 3 jobs and I have a very chaotic time-frame daily now.It isn’t ideal for me,given my recent struggles personally,but it pays the bills and puts food on the table.How did I stumble into this mess of a workload?I have no clue lol.

I have always been a techy-type guy and a nerd culture expert lol.In my opinion,I feel I am pretty smart on nerd culture(in Japan),so it would be cool to do something with this knowledge.My last job that I actually liked had me working in a perfect setting.I was an assistant artist to a Mangaka(comic book artist/author).That job was my everything because I worked there for 8+ years and I have never felt like I was going into work,It always felt like hanging out with a really cool teacher that allows you to better your craft by being hands-on with his projects.Those were the days…….sigh.

Now I have no ties to manga,except that I draw everyday and write short stories in the hopes I strike a major idea to spark my own series,but that would required time to write,plan,edit,draw for,etc but time isn’t on my side.
I have always wanted to get in to blogging for a career.It just seems so cool to do something of that caliber and never feel bored or dreading that day because of it.If you all couldn’t tell,I love blogging and I have to limit myself to 1 entry per day in order not to overload my page lol.I just don’t know how to get started or what resources to look into.I don’t even know what my audience would be!If anyone has any advice,training,looking to hire a blogger,or just have useful tips,please feel free to comment or email me at “kyosukeshinobu@yahoo”.
All help is greatly appreciated! ❤

As for now,I won’t quit my 3 day jobs until I find something somewhere that holds my interest and I can truly thrive in!
This has been a rant by,yours truly
Kyo signing off