Something Missing

This drawing is something I had fun with,but it also breaks my heart.No,the line work was completed months ago,but the colouring aspect is what cues the feelings.I know these statements are baffling,but I shall illuminate the cause of my wording.

Yesterday,for the first time in months that I’ve spent more than an hour in a home that wasn’t my own.I spent the day with my new friend and she encouraged me to bring my laptop to her place,so that we could work together.I insisted that I like to draw/colour alone,but you persisted and I just caved.So I set up my laptop,opening the colourless line art,and she suddenly asked about the back-story of this character.No one has asked me about stuff regarding my art in years,so I was taken aback.She quickly caught on that the drawing was me,but she wondered why I wanted to be alone to fill myself with colour.She wondered why I don’t “shine” as it suggest in the name of the drawing.She wondered why I am self-secluded and cold.I paused and ceased my colouring.I clenched my teeth,made sounds but words weren’t found,and I lowered my head.She asked why am I hiding my heart from everyone.I couldn’t hold my tears back and I lost control of my emotions.
Since April,I have been experiencing so much heartache,so much pain,so much disappointment,betrayal,just overall feeling like no one gave a damn about me or like my life was a joke.I put on a fake smile,I pretended I was fine,and I limited my interaction with everyone,until everyone forgot about me.I have truly been alone…..until now.She has only known me for 2 weeks and she has made me face what I have been running from since the Spring…. my broken heart.
I couldn’t negate the tears from falling and sat in front of me,lift my head up,told me it’s ok to be sad,because a good heart can never be truly broken.”Cry and clear your vision once more.Look elsewhere and find yourself.”I opened my eyes to stare at her,she smiled,left,and came back with beer for us both.Hahaha I then found the strength to finish colouring and she sat to watch me for 5 hours.I am so serious lol.

The point of this story is,I have been lying to myself about how I feel and I was faced with my true heart yesterday.It doesn’t feel good,but I guess my broken path starts now.
This drawing will always be a reminder of the day I finally acknowledged my true feelings.Thank you.

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It’s The Final Countdown

Do you know what today is!?Today is 1st of August,which means that in a mere 16 days I will be on a plane and heading back to Guadalajara,México!I can’t believe how quickly the time from April 12th and August 17th went by.It’s almost as if I was asleep during my time here in Tokyo and I have awaken from my slumber and it is nearly time to leave again.It’s pretty exciting…..but also extremely stressful.My first trip was heading into the great unknown and that had me drooling at the mouth with wonder.This time,I know what I am going into and it’s like a different energy.It’s not bad nor is it good,it’s an awkward energy,mostly on my behalf.
Anyways,I am excited,nonetheless!I can’t wait to have REAL tacos,delicious Tequila sunrise(I haven’t had one since Puerto Vallarta!),and just soak in the culture!Lets hope I study enough Español to survive on my own ne?lol.I have been slacking the last week,because I felt down,but I can utilize these 2 weeks to get familiar with the language!Now begins the final countdown to a polarizing trip!LETS GOOOOO!

Lets Panic

As I look at the calendar,my eyes turns towards the ceiling in a brief moment of reflection,and then back to the calendar with a sense of panic as the date is rapidly approaching my trip to Mexico again!I bought my tickets last month and it felt like forever between then and the date of my departure,but now….I am literally within two weeks away from sweating myself into a fever at Narita!

It’s time to once again panic about my overall appearance.How should I style my hair(LMFAO HAIR!!?)?What will I wear?Should I buy different colour converse shoes?It’s time to freak out about things that I normally don’t care about daily.My last trip,i got my hair fried(literally) beyond repair,I wore my “Oppai” red sweater(although it was hot in Guadalajara),khaki pants,and my signature black converse shoes.Minus the red sweater,I could replicate my previous style,but I don’t know.This trip is a stressful event and I am dreading the morning that I will awaken on the date to depart.Ugh!

Anyways,with less than 3 weeks remaining,I,Shinobu Kyosuke is in full panic mode!Fun times ne?

Mi Piel

I have lived in Tokyo,Japan for 33 years,I consider this place my homeland,I went to school here,I partake in Japanese holidays,I respect the japanese culture and land … I am japanese.
I was born in Chiyodaku,Tokyo,Japan and I speak fluent Japanese.”And your point is?” Most of you may be asking yourselves.Well,my point is,although I get on as regular japanese do in everyday life here,it doesn’t stop the stares of unfamiliarity of other japanese when gazed upon me.The wordless expressions on their faces pose the question, “Where is he from?” Truth be told,onlookers,I am from Tokyo,Japan.

To make sense of the reason behind their stares and questions,I shall shed light on the subject.I was born to a Korean mother and Polynesian/Japanese father,therefore I am a mixed blood Japanese person and it shows lol.My mother was tall,thin,very white skin,and looked like a typical South Korean.My father is the assortment bag of candy(as I like to refer to him).He didn’t look anything like a Japanese at all.Very dark skin,pretty tall,he had long wavy hair,and he had asian eyes.The eyes and his Japanese fluency were the only Japanese things about him.
I was the last born of their 4 children and out of the other 3,I was the one to inherit my father’s traits,minus the wavy hair.I got my mother’s hair,but that was ruined due to an ill-taken trip to the salon lol.
Anyways,You have a tall,dark skinned guy speaking Japanese,and living in Japan.. he must be a visitor,no?NO!!I am the product of a creative blend or that’s at least what I have told myself for as long as I was made aware that I wasn’t “pure” like the others in society.
Because of my dark brown skin,I have been shamed,outcast,and I have been targeted by bullies in my youth.I grew to hate myself and I resented Japanese people because of the way I was made to feel ugly and unwanted.I was a hateful youth because of those experiences,but I grew to understand that my difference from what is consider the “norm” granted me a crossover appeal to many different people worldwide.My hatred,anger,and resentment melted away and I learned to forgive those that bear no knowledge of the unknown to them.I just try to educate people that we may look different,but it doesn’t make me any less Japanese than them.
Someone I once dated said to me, “You should love yourself more.Because of the way you are,your heart is unlocked and can understand the importance of differences in this world that the majority of people can’t grasp.”I have always carried those words with me everyday and I am forever grateful for them.Differences really do paint the world in a beautiful colour.

No matter how you look,if your spirit is the same,therefore you are.I may look slightly different,but I am 100% japanese!
Be proud of your differences and shine for the world to see!

Aha!

Oi blog,how’s it going?
I actually just woke and it’s currently 4 in the evening lol.You may be wondering, “Is he having a bout of depression?” well you are correct… but I am just ultra lazy today.
I woke up feeling fine and I realized that everything may be alright after all.We shall see if that holds up in 23 days from now lol.
Thanks for reading

Disappointment

Ohayou world!
I am grateful I am still able to say that.On the note of being “grateful”,I want to extend my gratitude to my followers.Yesterday,I had about 5 new bloggers follow me and it honestly moved me to the point of stunned silence.I am not a good writer,my grammar is horrendous,and I am boring/emo lol.The fact that I attracted 93 people to my blog is still something out of my dreams!I am so grateful to everyone who has stuck around with me through my journey and to those just joining,welcome aboard!Thank you all so very much!

On the topic of being “grateful” this morning,there exist a dark reason why I said that.I was so close from not being fortunate enough to put out this post explaining this.I hate that this portion of the post exist.It’s difficult to really sum up or put into words,I guess what I am trying to say is… I gave into a dark request and I was giving up.I was so far in my own head that my heart became poisoned with my hopelessness and I just couldn’t resist it anymore.I am truly ashamed of those actions from 2 nights ago and I am truly disappointed in myself currently.
I don’t understand my heart right now and I can’t trust my head,all I have left is path I forged alone with the idea of happiness at the end.I guess I tricked myself into believing I was happy,but I knew better.I have a saying that goes like: “When you’re happy and content,don’t be,because it will all come crashing down” and sure enough.. I landed on my ass and I haven’t had the will to stand up since lol.
I don’t want to lie…I’m deeply sad now and I have been for awhile.I don’t feel anything to express those emotions but I am dying inside and it sucks.I guess some are made to suffer for being kind ne.I hate myself at times lol.

Thanks for reading.

Away I Go!

In less than 4 weeks,I will be making my anticipated return to México!I am cho excited about it and the realization that august 17th is almost here keeps me up at night!Woooo!Hahaha…so yeah that will definitely be something interesting for more reasons than one.
I was actually going to spend the day with my friend for her birthday,but who knows how plans may change ne.I am still going to bring her gifts whether she wants them or not yo!Hahaha I will hold my breath if she doesn’t accept them!Kidding..i’m dramatic but not that extreme yo!I’ll do my best to get a smile out if her on that day,although things are icy between us,Gotta keep the bond warm somehow ne.So yeah….after that,I don’t know if I should stick around after her bday or go straight back to tokyo…lol.That’s actually my dilemma right now,so I have just been researching places to hang out at night.Yes,I am a night owl and I am crazy lol.I have to find a new reason to stay.
Anyways,thank you for reading my post and looking at my drawing that forced onto your eyes.

Collision

おはよう,my sweet blog!
So this is just a quick post about one of my drawings that i was recently(5 minutes ago) thinking about.

This drawing is my protagonist,drawn in the style of Visual Kei.Visual Kei or VK is a music genre here in Japan that could range from pop,rock,and metal.The special theme of this genre is the emphasis on the bands’ unique appearance.Alot of it is of the androgynous style and that’s why it works.Being a Harajuku teen AND adult,I can vouch for everyone when I say that style without borders is a style of creative freedom.

Anyways,whenever I draw or just doodle,I am always listening to music.Music fuels whatever I draw and I just happened to be listening to my favourite VK band “The GazettE”.The style used is based off a costume I saw Ruki(lead vocals) wearing and I just let the music lead my hands during this piece.It was so much fun!

Thanks for reading

Stuck

Hey guys,how’s it going?
So I have gotten back into the mood of drawing/sketching again and I want to upload my creations to sites that will appreciate them.The thing is,I mainly upload them to Twitter and Instagram and i suuuuuck at attaching the appropriate eye-catching hashtags to get them seen lol.So yeah…I have hit a wall as to where and how to upload my art properly.I know DeviantArt still exists,but someone told me that site is useless now.
So all suggestions and advice is greatly appreciated.

You can reach me at:
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/knkyo
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/no.speak04
Yahoo: kyosukeshinobu@yahoo

Crush

So I finally got around to finishing the ink work on this sketch.Im pretty satisfied with.It only took 5 months to complete lol.

The funny/pathetic story about this piece is that I drew this based on something dumb I did.As you can see,the mask guy represents me because,well…I am the masked blogger and the pink hair woman is my crush.
I have a huge crush on the pink hair woman and we have each other added on all of our social media sites.I generally like to play it “cool” and not comments or like post(don’t ask why.I’m weird).I was stalking her page and I accidentally hit the “like” button on one of her post and I immediately retracted it lol.My head was flooded with “what-if” scenarios of getting caught.It was pretty silly and it gave birth to the idea of this drawing.Fun times yo!

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Thank you for reading