Raise Your Voice

Would you all prefer if I did a few blogs in my own voice?
It’s something I have been wanting to do for quite some time now.I have this logic in my head that,hearing someone’s voice rather than reading it in your own can help you understand the author more and feel a bit more acquainted.I don’t know.The point is,I really want to start uploading voice logs,but worry not,I will still do regular blogs along side them.
Just an idea

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Candlelight

What is grief?
Why does it crush you like glass?
Why does it shatter the trust in reality?
These are the questions I wrestle with everyday since last month.As I mentioned in previous post,I lost someone very important to me and it’s not just something I can get over in a matter of weeks,because I grew up and was able to have a life because of that person.Losing someone of such of a very important caliber not only breaks your heart,but it breaks your spirit.My spirit is broken,although I look ahead to a future with someone,I can not stop looking back,because that person in my past molded who I am today.It’s really difficult to continue to pretend that I am well and things are getting better,when in fact they aren’t.I joke with myself that I aged 7 years since that day and its true.I look and feel terrible.Its time to take action.

I signed up to join a support group.I guess I really need to talk about how I feel and why I am so scared to continue living after all of this.I can give a bit of insight into one of my biggest fears and its standing right in front of me with a big grin on it’s face.I am terrified of a reality in which I die completely alone and so far,that reality is looking more realistic.I lost my parents,my inspiration,my friends,and I live in a place where I don’t feel like belong anymore.I truly feel a deep loneliness that I have never felt in my life.I am just hoping that by joining this group,I can open up about my feelings and empty everything before I start anew.I want to start over and look towards the world with endless outlook.Until then,I’ll keep fighting for my new future.

Cloudy

Good early morning.
I just have a few things to get off my chest and there is no better place than my diary/blog ne.

I know there has been a decent amount of time between my last post and now,well there is a reason for that.It’s not like I don’t have anything to write home about,because I have honestly have so much to say in terms of my trip,meeting someone special,and overcoming something that plagued me for most of my life… The funny thing is,I have been thinking about making this strictly a place to promote my drawings (lol),not that they are anything spectacular,but I love the idea of sharing something I created with like-minded people or just anyone passing by.I wanted to not only promote it,but I wanted to share the meaning behind it,the atmosphere that it was conceived in,and just overall chat with you all.That was the plan AFTER I talked about my trip to Mexico…but I lost sight of it all after a life-altering event took place.

A week or so after my return to Japan,I lost my mother.She was my only living parent and now she is reunited with my father and elder brother.I won’t go into great detail but maybe you can see a connection here.I wanted to write so much,I truly did.I grappled and struggled with logging in and beginning to write,only to have my emotions lead my original draft into an emotional spiral.Soon I would log off and turn off my computer entirely and just sit in my darkened room,reflecting how much I have lost and how I can’t function regularly as before.It became overwhelming and thus,my intent to write about the happiest time of my life and go forward with a new blogging directions ceased to come to life.
Right now,This post is the real me…no false face to hide pain,not ignoring what is happening,and just accepting that my blogging style is just raw human emotion.I guess me writing from the heart is more sincere than trying to foolishly promote art.

異なる- Different

Rapid hearts racing eagerly towards a nervous collision.
I finally found you after so long apart
Your eyes swept me away into an oasis of nervous ecstasy
The words escaping your lips sung a melody of familiar tranquility
Your touch ignited my soul into a vibrant hue
I was changed

Walking underneath shared skies made life a tolerable quest.I was by your side,hand in hand,and laughing the daylight away.The midday breeze constantly reminded me that i was truly living the reality I foresaw 2 years ago.The nightfall was illuminated by the graceful moon,surrounding itself with it’s audience of stars.Dared I count them all,only to fail and be rewarded with sweet kiss to stamp the night.
My days were born anew

Since I’ve met you,my life hasn’t been the same and I always ask to nobody listening for a chance to go back and do it all same.Deaf ears were only present.
Soon,I shall be with you and we will create undeniable memories.

Different

Collision

おはよう,my sweet blog!
So this is just a quick post about one of my drawings that i was recently(5 minutes ago) thinking about.

This drawing is my protagonist,drawn in the style of Visual Kei.Visual Kei or VK is a music genre here in Japan that could range from pop,rock,and metal.The special theme of this genre is the emphasis on the bands’ unique appearance.Alot of it is of the androgynous style and that’s why it works.Being a Harajuku teen AND adult,I can vouch for everyone when I say that style without borders is a style of creative freedom.

Anyways,whenever I draw or just doodle,I am always listening to music.Music fuels whatever I draw and I just happened to be listening to my favourite VK band “The GazettE”.The style used is based off a costume I saw Ruki(lead vocals) wearing and I just let the music lead my hands during this piece.It was so much fun!

Thanks for reading

Stuck

Hey guys,how’s it going?
So I have gotten back into the mood of drawing/sketching again and I want to upload my creations to sites that will appreciate them.The thing is,I mainly upload them to Twitter and Instagram and i suuuuuck at attaching the appropriate eye-catching hashtags to get them seen lol.So yeah…I have hit a wall as to where and how to upload my art properly.I know DeviantArt still exists,but someone told me that site is useless now.
So all suggestions and advice is greatly appreciated.

You can reach me at:
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/knkyo
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/no.speak04
Yahoo: kyosukeshinobu@yahoo

Importance

Good Morning my dear blog!
I have a short little entry today and it’s basically thanking a few people.I also want to take the time to thank each and everyone that stops by and reads my blog.I honestly don’t think I am an interesting writer,nor is my English precise enough to be good at this(English isn’t my first language).So thank you all so very much!I am truly grateful.

As you all know,I have been dealing with depression in my last few entries and I am insufferable in that state.I am sorry.I can confidently say that I am FINALLY over my depression for now,but I don’t feel as happy.To be frank,I feel cold and as if something is missing.I know I am of no importance to anyone,so are my feelings invalid?I don’t know,but what I do know is that I truly need to be grateful for my friends.
I complain alot about how “annoying” or “dumb” they are,but truth be told,they never fail to leave me alone.Me being the introvert that I am,that is seen as a negative thing,because I want to be alone(have my time),but not actually feel alone.Those people text/call nonstop yo!They literally show up to my apartment unannounced and drag me,yes,literally drag me out to a little pub to drink or to catch a meal somewhere.As I sit there,I may appear to be cho annoyed,but inside I am swelling up with joy that I sometimes can’t contain my smile(as if they could see it,because of my famous mask).
The last few weeks has been rough and stressful,because I am actually traveling to Mexico this time(long story) and I want everything to go right.Last minute shopping,preparations,fundings,etc.It’s all overwhelming and I just need a little support,but I don’t expect any to pop out from thin air lol.
The point is,I need to be more grateful of my friends.I truly appreciate you all more than you know.I will definitely hug you all soon and express my gratitude.I understand the majority of you won’t understand,so when I see you next,I’ll give you an earful in Nihongo!Thank you,my friends.

Thank you for reading

 

Regret (Social Media Meltdown)

Have you ever logged into one of your social media accounts,start scroll eagerly to feel nostalgia from your past,and just when everything seems all light and fun,you come across some regrettable stuff that makes you go (WHO WAS I!?)
Sigh…..Unfortunate for me,I opened up my old facebook account for the first time in almost 4 years.I am fully active….well partially active because I am really disinterested in that platform now.Well,it was all good seeing all my old friends there and I had long abandoned the account (I’m sorry everyone),but the good times stopped rolling.I’m kind of a forgotten relic there now.So instead of posting,I spend my time scrolling through my old post and it is really a testament to how dumb I was.There is stuff that makes me grind my teeth because there is some cringe-inducing things!

The worst part about it all is the gushing over certain people and it is totally regrettable.I used to pride myself on keeping my personal life and social media separate,but along came a spider and poisoned my logic!
I look back on that type of posting and ask myself (Why was I ever crazy about this person!?)lol.Yeah,it’s that bad.Oh well,time to clean up the garbage and contemplate if I should delete the account or not.

Anyways,That concludes my rambling lol.
Thank you for reading.
Check me out at http://www.facebook.com/no.speak04