Good morning,bloggers and readers!
Today was supposed to be my first day of my brand new job but,due to the company obtaining my medical information,it was decided that today is not good for them,so tomorrow is the golden day.It’s pretty dumb,considering that 24 hours won’t make much of a difference.I get a free day so,woohoo!
Anyways,the topic of this post is about anxiety and how it drove me crazy the past 24 hours leading up to today.
For those of you who’s been following my blog since its creation and those recently joining me,you may or may not know that I suffer from depression and anxiety.It’s present every waking moment of my life;some days lighter and some days heavier.It has crippled me before and I never shy away from expressing how I feel because of these illnesses.With that stated,yesterday was a nervous hellscape created by my anxiety.
The impending start of my new job brought back the dreaded anxiety of starting something new,somewhere new,and with new people.I literally spent all of yesterday questioning my ability to perform the tasks assigned to me without fail and the fear of having to communicate with new people(my coworkers).I got a migraine,I broke out into a cold sweat,my stomach started cramping,and my body became so restless along with my mind.I kept eating weird combinations of food such as sushi and cookies lol….I wish I was making that up.
My anxious mind kept reminding me of all the things that could go wrong,all the wrong words I would say,and how I am not good enough for the job.I remember spending 2 hours trying to legit think of an excuse to not go into work…It’s pathetic,but anxiety is a very discouraging mountain to climb.
Here I am today,work was cancelled,I still haven’t slept,and still facing minor doses of anxiety.I feel slightly confident today going into tomorrow,but I know how quick the lights of dim confidence can shut off.So I won’t brag.
I read an article that stated that writing sometimes help combat anxiety.That I can vouch for because a lot of my posts come from times when I am feeling most anxious about something taking place in my life.I am grateful for this blog in that aspect,but I feel so bad for the poor souls that have to follow me on twitter during these anxious-filled episodes lol.
For now,I am going to read about gaming news and tips on how to become a travel blogger.After all,I am leaving Japan in 2 months for a new adventure!